Angels to some demons to others...

What makes a monster? Its not physical. Its not the teeth and claws ; humps
or bumps. look st Quasimodo, stitch, Sidney the sea monster or in life
lions, tigers and bears that are in zoos. A monster comes from inside, the
same place as beauty. A monster is also a relative term as well as the best
horror writers know. Its what transcends the norms of polite society. A
monster is a killer who has no qualms killing men, women or children. Or is
that a hero in certain light? Is that not the same definition we have about
a soldier? A hero in war? A soldier that was only following commands. How
many hero's are monsters when the light goes out? I guess I am writing
about the story I am legend. I will not go in to it too deeply as an
upcoming movie is on its way. Gods and Monsters the different sides of
the same coin. The human heart has such potential for such heights as well
as such depths that we have just started to see. I think thats why I lived
the Hellraiser movies so much. The heights of pleasure and pain are very
similar. Angels to some demons to others. The French call the orgasm le
petite mort - The little death. How wonderfully accurately. Think about the
sounds that people make during the act. Another very depressing monster
movie contains no monster at all as 8mm.The killer in the movie asks
Nicholas Cage if he expected a monster to look like any one else. Fallen
was another fav but thats on a supernatural level of horror. True
Satanists claim that the only commandment for them is Do what thou wilt is
the whole of the law. We bind ourselves in laws to form a polite society.
Some actions and some people are so base that they exist beyond mans laws.
Look at Ossma or the Pope. Both have killed in the name of god. Hitler
killed for an idea. Aum killed for a following as did the Waco cult. I
would kill or die for my kids. Without hesitation. --- why am I writing
about monsters and killings? I am reading a book called The devil in the
white city. Its about a little know serial killer that took place in
Chicago at the height if the Columbian Expo. Great book full of rich detail
and history. Also very very creepy.

Rain rain go away.....

Well the Midwest is flooded out. I expect a plague of mosquito's to
start up any day soon and with that will come the West Nile Virus. I know
its only a minor inconvenience of a power outage here or there. There are a
few people here who are still with out power at their homes. I'm lucky the
power was out and then came back on in a few hours. I was watching my sump
pump want waiting in the dark. That would have been bad. I think I ran out
of pity on those who live next to rivers and they flood. They show these
houses on the news day after day. You know what you are getting in to so
why complain about it. is it because now the news is on? Arrrg People
move away from the flood plain.
There were so many trees down all over in neighboring towns. The old
suburbs of Chicago. "Tree city USA" cities were hit hard. Old trees over
100 years old were felled by heavy winds. It makes you think how fragile
and small a human body really is. Its also surprising how quickly your
world stops. With out power the world gets hard really quick. Food spoils,
lights are out, no more clean or dry clothes with out some real work,
danger can infect the drinking water, No information comes in to you, no
TV, radio, INTERNET. Yes many of you are going to say -"I have a cell
phone, black berry etc.... OK how long is your battery good for? How much
gas do you have in your car? How much cash do you have on hand? No powers
no ATM. No power = No gas at the pump. What survival skills do you have?
The comforts of 21 century living come to a close real quick. I know this
was small scale, but thats how it starts small. Thats where horror lies,
in the uncontrolled situation. Your regular world stops. Alone in the dark.
Zombies in the yard, aliens in the shadows, They've cut the power, the
phones are dead. How long before things get out of hand? In New Orleans it
only took a few days before it all went to Hell. Shots fired in the dark.
People dead in the streets or in homes.
Any ways those are my run away thoughts as the lights were off in my
house.I though similar thoughts at the Y2K and 9/11. My dad instilled a
health paranoia of survival. . I hope everybody is all good. Enjoy the end
of Summer.

medicine...

why does cough/ cold medicine have to taste like ass. I swear I don't ever remember taking something for a cold that has ever tasted decent. A fake orange or bad grape is as good as it gets. It usually makes me gag or feel alittle woozy from taking it. Vicks, formula 44d, niquil, dayquil, etc, etc, thereflu, alkaseltzer. None of these have thrilled me. I almost avoid the medication because of the foul taste. Right now I have a nasty chest thing going on that came up on me in a matter of a few short hours. I went to work and I thought I was ok them WHAM..... I cant breathe. Its not even Fall yet, school just started today and I'm already sick. WOW I cant wait to see what kinds of colds my son brings home from school.....Ahhhhchoooo cough wheezeee.... Any ways I hope you all keep your health. Peace.



Niquil Blues ... Alvin Crow.

Well, gimme a bottle of Nyquil, that restful sleep my body needs
Gimme a bottle of Nyquil, that restful sleep my body needs
Analgesic, decongestant, with an antihistamine

I went to 7-11, the man says "what you need"?
I say "a roll of duct tape and a case of Nyquil please"

Well, gimme a bottle of Nyquil, that restful sleep my body needs
Gimme a bottle of Nyquil, that restful sleep my body needs
Analgesic, decongestant, with an antihistamine

Take only as directed, don't exceed the proper dose
Keep out of reach of children, keep the bathroom cabinet closed

Well, gimme a bottle of Nyquil, that restful sleep my body needs
Gimme a bottle of Nyquil, that restful sleep my body needs
Analgesic, decongestant, with an anti-histamine

They call me Nyquil junkie, I don't know what they mean
But I just can't be satisfied unless my tongue is green

Well, gimme a bottle of Nyquil, that restful sleep my body needs
Gimme a bottle of Nyquil, that restful sleep my body needs
Analgesic, decongestant, with an antihistamine

sick...

it came without warning. bam poom im sick, fever, cant breathe, sneezing, snots... it liker captn tripps. i was told to go home from work by the store manager. now thats when you know your sick..... i'll post later once i get some dope in to me to soothe some symptoms....

Wanderlust...

I have the need to travel and see the world. I have wanted to see all 50
states in the US before I die. I have seen Illinois, Texas, Indiana, Ohio,
Pennsylvania, Florida, Tennessee, Arkansas, Washington, Washington DC,
North Carolina , Kansas, Oklahoma, Nevada, Missouri, Maryland, Virginia,
West Virginia, Wisconsin, Michigan, Iowa, Puerto Rico, Minnesota and
Kentucky. Its 23 out of 53 territories. I need to see some of the larger
square states as well as the smaller states East coast. I have driven
through most of them and spent time in them. Some have been for business
most have been for wanderlust. I want to just drive with the windows open ,
with no deadlines or places that I need to be, no time I have to make. I
have never been close to my extended family so I don't need to visit them.
No cousins to worry about. No Uncles to worry about. I still write to my
grand mother when I can. She's over 90, I think 93 or so. I want to get
the kids in to camping. To have them be able to enjoy travel with out
destination. I thought about buying a pop up or tear drop, but I don't
think the kids are ready for that yet. I think It would be fun.
About 12 years ago I went camping for the first time in my life. I
went to the boundary waters between the US and Canada in Minnesota. It was
for 10 days of canoing, camping , portaging and hanging your food so bears
wont get to it. There were bears, moose, wolves, eagles, beaver and lots
bugs. We would hear the loons at night on the lakes and wolves howl. It was
magical. We could see the Aurora at night. It looked like lights from a far
off city, but there was no city anywhere near us. The skies actually had
starts in them. Lots of stars, more than I have ever seen in my life. The
sky also head countless shooting start whizzing by.
One night my tent mate Dave woke me up and asked for my flashlight. We
looked the the small screen window in to the black. He said I think theres
a bear in camp. I could feel the hairs on my neck stand up in fear. We saw
a video on how to scare bears away if they came to camp. Christ I grew up
in the city; the worse we has was an occasional raccoon in the garbage. The
noise was just a camper that had stepped out from his tent to go pee. I
felt better. I looked at Dave and noticed that he was naked. "What up with
that?" He looked at me and said he always sleeps naked in his sleeping
bag. Freak..... The foods we ate were aw some . From simple peanut butter
and honey sandwiches to fresh clam and pasta. Ahhh your body could feel
nutrition after a day of rowing. I could see and feel what Lewis and Clack
did. The only other people we saw were a troop of girl scouts. I would call
them Women scouts they were awesome. Going through portages and moving
their camps. I need to go back and spend some time in the quiet. Most
people forget what the how loud the quiet can be. Crickets, the pop of a
campfire, the wind on a lake. Some people cant handle that. I miss that. I
hope to see you on the road.

dreamlands

Yawn....Yawn....Yawn
I can't stay awake in the day time. I go to bed at a reasonable hour
(Midnight -1am) and I usually sleep until 730-8am. It seems as I get older
(yes even I get older) I am having a harder night sleeping through the
night. Dreams seem far off and I just can't stay comfortable. I'm jealous
of my kids that sleep through everything once they are knocked out. Even my
pooches stay awake through the night unless they have to be let out. I went
shopping for new mattresses thinking that may help, but nothing thrilled
me. New pillows....Maybe? I'll see whats on sale. What I would really love
to have happen is the quality of my dreaming to improve. I used to keep
journals of my dreams. It filled books and I used to have sketches. Now is
so rare that I even remember a dream let alone be able to write it down. I
hope you all sleep and dream...

Shallow Hal......

I'm glad I found this. Its very similar to a post that I did a few months ago about the ***DOVE*** self esteem fund. This one shows the full body redone in photoshop. Everywoman is beautiful, America and the world has made woman become ashamed of being human. Everyone has "flaws" on their skin, old scars from skating as a kid or her tush is big,small, flat, round and her boobs are low, long small, flat, too pointy with nipples that are pink, tan, brown etc..... ..... I'm going to say it.... I love women. I prefer girls with some curves, but that is a preference not a must have . I love a womans eyes if they are blue, green or brown. I love to make a woman laugh. I love to hear when a woman cums. I love to see a woman smile and look at you and want you back. I love it when a woman can see beauty in herself. That is very rare in most women. Some times when a compliment is paid, they think you are lying. Beauty has to start inside and then flow out. Sure youth has advantages, but young girls can only be pretty. Beauty has to be found with time , self esteem and confidence.

Theres no place like home?

I won a trip through work. Its either going to NY, Vegas , San Fran or
Orlando. I don't want to go to NYC. I still have a feeling like its going
to see a wounded city. A hard scar on Americas face. Its ground zero for
the war and all the sh!t that we are involved in the world. Iraq, Iran,
Afghanistan, the fall of the dollar, 3000+ soldiers dead, WMDs and a
general loss of the shine that America once had. Its almost like visiting a
terminal cancer patient. You wish them the best but you know that its just
keeping them comfortable until the end. I think I'm both angry and scared
about wanting to visit New York. I won't blame you if it does not make
sense sometimes feelings don't.
Visiting Vegas is like visiting a dirty whore. Its all shiny and crowded
but its all there to take all of your money. Shows , gambling, drinks, the
place exists for fun and to empty your bank accounts. I know I would have a
great time there, I have in the past. The lights the girls the money and
sounds of the casinos. If only the sun never came up.... I have friends
that live there as well. They would be nice to visit.
Orlando.....A nice place for the kids, but they are not coming. I don't
want to see the mouse or shamoo. I would not mind gator world and stuff
like that but what else is there????
San Fran??? Alcatraz, sourdough bread, Golden Gate, Lombard street, Haight
Ashbury (dirty hippys!!), The Pacific Ocean. I have friends there as well
who would love to show me around. I know I could visit wineries and some
killer brew houses. Even the gay districts would make fun people watching.
The company used to send people to Mexico they changed that as the company
grew. That would have been fun too. A girl friend of mine said she would
F*(k me if I took her to Mexico. Bad bad bad. She knew the bad thoughts
would stay in my head.... Bad dirty thoughts. She knows how to play it when
she wants to. Its nice to fantasize about it. The could have and would
haves and should have beens. About 12 years ago we used to hang out alot
and I asked her out. She declined the offer....but we remained good
friends.
What to do and where to go?

running low on food......send more cops.

Without the kids at home I've actually been busy(er) with work. Its funny
I've been working on my days off because I have run out of things to do at
home. I had a day off on Tuesday , I woke up early and did the lawn before
it got too hot then I ran in to work. I don't mind doing that but I mind
going to the store to get bread and milk. I'm running out of food in the
house. I have baking supplies but no real food. The house is clean and
clothes are clean but no food. I'm down to three cans of soup, 2 cans of
peaches, 1 case of coke , 1 case of beer, cereal, and a few cans of
chipotle chilies. Not exactly the best combo. I'll go to the store tonight
and resupply. A stick of butter, a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread.
I've ate well for the most part in the last 2 weeks, Grilled pork and
chicken, Corn with zucchini, Italian sausage and quite a few quessadillas.
I stocked up on essencials such as toilet paper and soap but food I just
don't want to make the effort to go buy. I have actually went to sleep
early afew times to avoid making dinner...... Yea its pathetic but don't
act like you have not done that either. I had 2 real stand out meals in the
last 2 weeks. I had Indian food with a friend, and then after driving her
home I had a awesome hot dog from a place I used to go to as a kid. Of
course it was 12:45am , but the dog was only $1.90 with fries. Mustard,
relish and sport peppers. No Catsup in the building not even in packets for
the fries. Salt was in old jelly jars with nail holes in the top. Real old
school style hotdogs with out all the salad you get at the usual joints.
In Chicago you get the weiner on a steamed bun, mustard, onions, relish, a
pickle spear, tomatoes, sport peppers and celery salt. Not bad and just a
little good for you. There is a place called Hot Dougs in the city that
does gourmet dogs. Like Wild boar and duck true polish and lithuanian
sausages. He is a purveyor of encased meats. He also does fries cooked in
duck fat on sundays.......by chance he recieved the first fine in Chicago
for selling foies gras (goose liver pate`). Ahhhh encased meats. If your in
town you can always bring by a pie....... Peace.