voices

   I ts been years since I heard voices. When I was in college I would often hear whispering and a chatting before I dozed off. If I open my eyes the voices would stop. It seemed like ghosts in the dark, but most likely it was a pre - dream.  Once I farted so loud that I yelled out "Whose there" to an empty room.  I have woke my self up to my own yelling because of a scary dream. That's always creepy because at time you can hear your own voice in the dream trying to yell with no volume. Again this was years ago and far between....

 

   Last night I was in a dream if some kind. Nothing clear or bad , but I heard an outside voice clearly say "damn it" - I guess I assumed it was my wife and I yelled out "What?". The very weird part is that no one was in the room. My wife had gone to work and only me and the dogs were in bed. The dogs were stone cold passed out. So was it a dream? Ghost voice? - I'm guessing it was just a voices in the dark.

 

 

Peace.

to friends.

As I get older my recovery time gets longer and longer. Last night I went out to celebrate St Pattys at a local bar. I had , I would say 2 pitchers of green beer and wings. Granted I woke up that morning at 5:20 am and went to bed a touch liquored at 2am.  It was kind of a rough start. As my mom would say - crudo or a bit raw.

It was a good time to tip back a few with a friend and just remind your self how lucky you are in friends.  Laughs and tears are best shared with friends.  Friends let you be you even more so than family... you don't have to play a role (dad, husband, brother, son). A friend can let you be you. You can tell a story of a deaf stripper and a blue dildo to friend not to your wife.... Peace

BTW have a monkey.

st pats

In honor of St. Pat's day, Trapper Rob's ode to Broadway,

"Oh Donny Rose, the pipes, the pipes are calling

From glen to glen, and down the mountain side

The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying

'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow

Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow

'Tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow

Oh Donny Rose, oh Donny Rose, I love you so."

(adaptation of Frederick Weatherly's original lyrics in accordance with all Federal, State and local regulations)

dreams

I don't know where these dreams come from. Perhaps its from too much TV or not enough.... I drempt of bed bugs. The lived in the corners of the mattresses, but they were large like those hissing cckroaches. The mattress was see through , maybe plastic, but you could see the innerworkings easily. The springs wires and the bugs.
-- dreams are the only thing that you truly own.... and I don;t think i like mine.

post Oscar awards

I usually watch the Awards every year. This year I got caught up in watching Daybreakers. It was a dog of a vampire movie, but entertaining.  I did catch the last hour or so of the Awards. I saw the actor, actress and movie it self. I cant say that I agree with Sandra as the best actress, but I do agree with director and movie.

   What separates me from most of the peolpe at work is they do not understand the difference between a good movie and entertaining movie. One guy was raving about Avatar not winning. I sat him down and explained that Avatar had great effect, but it was a hollow movie. Its a repeated story from ferngully, Pocahontas, matrix and dances with wolves. Then he ranted about star trek beating it with make up, I then explained that 90% of avatar was CGI, not make up in the real sense.

   While The Hurt locker was not a widely seen movie on a subject that is not well liked , it was the best movie for that year.

There is a difference between enjoyed and good.

 

I want to ..... 2010

• lose weight
• learn something new
• read more
• watch more movies
• learn a third language
• dig that damn stump out of my yard
• re-start the motorcycle
• make a feast for my friends
• go out on a bender
• see more of my friends
• spend more time with my kids
• go camping
• more fishing
• brew some beer
• ride my bicycle more - 200-300 miles
• make my own wooden arrows
• learn how to make a longbow
• just take a day and sit without noise
• a new tattoo
• spend more time w/ the church
• get healthier
• take a few ME days off
• grill more in the summer
• get through life without hurting any one
• take the kids to a SOX game
• more vegetables
• learn to relish alone time
• go shoot more (bow)
• get a FOID card
• buy a shotgun/muzzleloader/lever action rifle
• go hunting
• make costumes for the kids
• be comfortable in my own skin
• connect with old friends
• go on a trip/actually take vacation time
• write more
• kill a hobo with my bare hands

These are in no particular order or need to do any, but  off the top of my head things that I would like to do in the upcoming year.

Peace

inner voice.

     I have to learn to keep my inside voice quiet. Its that or my inside voice is louder than most peoples regular voice. -- A day or so at work I saw this girl and her mom. They were both very good looking, mom was a few years older than me and daughter was about 26. She had a certain quality about her that I find irresistible. She was smart, funny, she wore these small framed lisa loeb glasses, dark shoulder length hair and was just a touch thick on her bottom. Not fat but a real woman, with hips and tits. I rounded a corner to go do something that I needed and I must have said out loud... "I'd snuggle in her ass". A co worker heard me say something, but was not sure what I had said. I know she heard the word ass , but I guessing not the full phrase. That would have been embarassing. How do you control your inside voice? Its one of the few things that belong only to you and you alone.

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      I few weeks ago I has to sit and watch out internet office. Its where we field calls and emails for my company. I guy there was giving me a hard time about this and that. I heard him start to choke as he sat behind me at a near by desk. Without thinking I yelled out "hey you done deep throating your John yet?"  He was shocked , but I think I had put him in hims place for giving out shit. I forget on how raw I can be when I feel like it..... I guess he did not expect it out of me at work.

funeral for a friend

I went last night to the wake and it was just filled with what i didn't like, people from my home town.  I saw my school mate in the casket and even though he was dead and I have not seen him in the better part of 20+ years , I could still see the child in his face. I could see the kid I grew up with. The boy that we played softball in the alley with. The kid who we had snuck beers in to the 8th grade dance. The kid who was not dead.

    His face looked bloated and his hands looked stiff. My Uncles hands had looked the same way. I guess the hands of the dead look that way. 

   Again I had too many zombie thought floating through my head as I went up to the casket to say good bye.

  No one wants to go to a wake, buts its a responsibility that we all eventuality have to do. To show respect for the living.

 

Nick C. 2010

As I turn older I see my own responsibilities grow. This is one that I hate, I have to attend a wake later today. It is for a friend from grade school that I have not scene since .... 1989 or before? His death could have been mine I suppose. Nick had died from liver failure and a life filled with severe drug and alcohol problems. I remember him as a nice enough guy a touch wild on the edges. I had tipped a few beers with him.

 I started drinking in seventh grade, by sneeking one of dads beers I also started to smoke then too. I smoked pot in 7th grade with a group of kids and their older brothers. It was a fun ride through high school. Typical stoner life, drinkin smoking and listening to metal. I experimented with LSD and PCP in Highschool as well and I also tried cocaine once or twice. - I wanted to be high. I loved that off world feeling and the "not being in my own skin' sensation.

 By my first year in college I stopped smoking pot and just drank good beers. I would have a puff or two when offered , but the need for it had waned. I had found something that I was looking for - I had found friends and I think I had found the strength to be comfortable in my own skin.

Well as I grow older I have to do this more and more. As you grow older life stops giving you things and starts taking them away.

 

typical day

• 5:20 am get up, put on pants , downstairs , make coffee, let dogs out, start wife's car, wait, watch Tv news, wave good bye, go to bed
• 5:50 am answer phone/text, sleep
• 7:30 am wake up, make breakfast for kids, feed dogs and fish, drink coffee, more news, tell kids to get dressed, make lunch, sign homework, wave goodbye
• 9:00 am watch supernatural, make lunch
• 10:00 am shit , shower, shave
• 11:00 am work: sell/buy/ call / follow up/ research
• 3:00 pm Lunch
• 4:00 pm gossip/sell /buy/research/email/kill time/ follow up
• 8:30 pm go home/store
• 9:00 pm eat dinner alone
• 10:00 pm put on sleep clothes/dogs/dishes/laundry/tv-family guy-king of the hill-dirty jobs-mythbusters-bad movie/news/pick up toys
• 11:00 pm read
• 12:00 pm sleep

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This is a typical day for me. Not as exciting as I though it would be when I was a kid.....