Hack

The cold wind felt dirty as it blew across my face. Salty, gritty and sooty not usual adjectives that describe the air, but thats the truth in Chicago. With the sun low on the horizon I could feel the temperature start to drop fast. Nights start early in December and last too long. I finish my last smoke and start the car. I check my gun , wallet and radio. I check a few more things on the car and I turn the lights on; Available. I hate being a hack but it pays the bills and gives me time to my own thoughts.
Winter in Chicago is mostly wet and cold . When its not wet it is super cold. 20 below air temp then to that you add the wind chill. That can be another 15 to 20 degrees lower. In that air a person does not have long to live with out protection. Layers is the key. You can always tell a person who's from out of town. They usually either have a fashionable jacket that provides no real protection or one over-sized puffball jacket that they cant move in. I've lived here all my life so its my usual layers of t shirts, flannels and my leather jacket. Its urban armor for me. Granted it wont stop a bullet but it has stopped a knife blade.

First stop. Midnight

Milwaukee and North. Club kid in his 20's and his girl friend.  They are breathing hard from the cold and lack of clothes they are wearing.  They look good but pay the price for it. "Grand and Western sir. and could you please turn the heat up?" His teeth chatter as he talks. The meter clicks the start of the fare and I start the cab up.  I nod and crank up the heat for them. The kids hold each other for warmth. In a strange way I envy them. To be young and dumb again. The blocks roll quickly and I let him know we are here. He tosses me a ten spot to cover the fare and a cup of coffee. Not a big tipper; at least he was quiet.

12:30 Driving past the bars.

I see her standing on the corner of Clark and Belmont. Blue sparkley dress and red hair blowing in the cold wind. "The Fairmont please."  Her voice is somewhere between sultry and just had too many cigarettes. "Do you mind if I smoke? I had a real bad night?" . With out saying yes or no I hand her a Lucky Strike. She takes it and lights it up. Between the street lights and flame I try to catch a better glimpse of her face.  She finished that smoke and lights a second. Smoking out of frustration rather than habit. I can hear her sobbing to herself.  I want to ask whats wrong, but again thats none of my business.  Damn it. "You ok? You need some water anr anything?"  She stays quiest for about a minute. in a soft voice I hear a simple "no, thank you. but thanks for asking that was kind".  The rest of the ride goes with out incident. We get to the hotel and I drive her to the front door. She hands me a $50 "Keep it , its almost Christmas." I watch as she glides through the doors and past the front desk. Shes warm and safe, thats the least I can guarantee my riders.

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Ive had the big to write lately. I don't know what I want to write about though. Horror, every day living, who know what else. So this is another stab in the dark......

20 seconds.

The thing I remember the most about it, is the sound his head made as I
hit it. The sound was a low thud as my fist made contact with his face. His
eyes blinked once then twice as I hit him again. I felt something pop. I
could not tell if it was in my hand or his face that made that sound. He
rushed me again and tripped as his pain settled in. I brought my hand down
on the back of his head. His body hit the floor and I could hear a wheeze
as the breath left it.

I could feel the fear start to build in myself then anger. I could feel it
like a poison that calls you to action. . The fight or flight effect was in
full force. I kicked him. Hard. My foot caught him across his face and
neck. Again and again I kicked him. I kicked him until my right foot hurt.

How dare he have a better life than me. How dare he have that fancy car
and money to blow. Why wasn't I born with a silver spoon in my mouth? Born
with out want or need. . I could have stopped but I'll share this secret
with you. I didn't want to. After the second kick I heard him moan. I know
I was hurting him. I know the rich don't deal with pain well. They don't
know how to use it to their advantage. I knew how to use my pain and use it
well. Anger is an energy.

"PLEASE No" he yelled in to the ground as I stood above him. I rifled
through his pants pocket. I grabbed his wallet and went throught it. I
didn't want the money or credit cards. I wanted something else. I wanted to
hurt something, some one. I wanted to break a spirit. I pulled out his
drivers license and pictures of his wife and kids. "They look nice, If you
call the police I'll have to pay a visit." Then it hit me what more could I
do to hurt him? I leaned closer to him and kissed him on the cheek. I
pulled out his cell phone and keys and dropped him in to the sewer. Alone,
helpless, hurt and frightened is the way I wanted to leave him.

*******************************************

I just wanted to write. The blurb above does not mean anything. This is not
fantasy nor anything that happened to me. I just wanted to put something
together that some would consider horrible. Sometimes horror is a 20 second
act.

Just thoughts.

Spring is here and I just don't feel it. I've been in a mental funk for the last few weeks. I need to pin this down. Is it the weather? Is it the fact that I work way too much with almost zero vacation? Is the fact that I just dont have the time to work out like I want to? I just don't know any more. I think that I have to make a little me time. Time with out the wife and kids. I guess thats why I don't mind working away from home. In a weird way I guess it reminds me of being a bachalor. 

Sunday was nice. It was Easter and the house was still. My kids were at my mom's house and my wife was out. I woke up near 10 am with the 2 dogs in my bed. They were content to just sleep in with me. I got up and made my self some coffee (the drink of the gods) and warmed up some left over pizza. Not a bad breakfast , but one that was easy to make. Ater an afternoon of lazy TV I went to my parents house to have ham and other dishes.

It was nice watching the kids getting the eggs together and get in to the baskets. I don't remember ever getting a basket as a kid. I do remember Easter being a lot warmer, but Easter can change from year to year. I do know that it is the first Sunday after a full moon after somthing. Sorry I just don't know the full formula for the Easter magic. My mom loaded me with plenty of leftovers to take home.

I had to tear out part of a wall at home to find a leak. Arrrrg I found it and fixed the leak. Luckly I did not have to soder copper , but I think I'll teach that to my self over the summer.  My dad made a small door to cover the hole in the wall. That way I will have access to the plumbing of I need to get to it again. The home is a never ending work of find something to fix and fix it. Most of the time I enjoy getting dirty doing something manly. Like changing spark plugs, oil change or coolant. I like to clean and mow the yard. Some days I just don't want to do anything. I don;t want to clean the gutters or seal this or that. Somedays I don't want to be around anything. 

I hope your Easter went well. I hope you enjoy the Spring and did take at least 5 minutes and remember what the date stands for. ..Pax Americana

 

Just one look...

You always think that things are bad. Sometimes they are other times all it
take is to take one look and say "There but for the grace of God go I". Its
tax season and as usually I am putting everything I have in to a envelope
and crossing my fingers that I did everything correctly. How well did I do
last year? Could I have made more? Did I need to buy that thing? Sure I
could always use more money. Does that make one happy? Is that the end all
be all of happyness.
Today I coworker came up to me and confessed. He let me know that the
past few times I dropped him off near a Hotel to meet some one he was not
doing that. He and his family are living there. He is working non stop so
they can try to scrape up money for a deposit for an apartment. He asked me
if he could borrow $100 because he was 2 days late on his rent. $42 a day.
$100 stood between his family being warm and being on the streets. I've
know him for the past 3 years I know him not to BS some one. I did not have
the full amount but I bought him some time until a check comes in the mail
for him. His face lit up and he got on the phone to his wife. One more day
averted....
I am having severe doubts in the country. The cost of fuel, the cost of
food, taxes and everything in general is going to start to keep me up at
night. I'm blessed with a good job and steady work. After looking around I
realize that I have nothing to complain about. I hope you all can take one
look around and realize the same thing....... PEACE.

Leap Day....

Sorry for the delay - I started this and forgot where I placed it. So here
it is.....

I'm sitting in my car before the store opens. The sky is gray and its wet
and snowy again. Not a bad day but not a good one either. I kinda chuckle
to my self because I can almost feel that this is the last snow fall of the
year. I think we broke winters back. In about 21 days March begins and I
can get to playing in my yard,making things green again. Planting grass
seed and trimming dead wood off the trees in my yard. I'm looking forward
to it. My own kids are done with the winter time. The snow pants and boots
litter the area near the front door. Caps and gloves are in a tote bag in
the hallway filled with the excess.

I already started Spring cleaning. Sweeping the garage. I started re oiling
the cars and cleaning the insides, I'm taking inventory on what needs to be
done to the house. Its starting the cleaning Buzz . Its gets in your system
one day and you spend a whole day dusting and cleaning glass. Sorting
papers and tossing loose bits of your life. It feels good. to make
something look clean again. Almost new in its look. I guess it would be
funny to watch a 270 pound man singing and polishing his way around the
house.

I made a list and checked it twice of what I want/need to do for the house.
As always Its about grass seed. With the kids and dogs the yard too a
beating last year and I need to get to it. I need to do some painting
around the house. With kids thats almost always the case. Last year I put
up over $300 in insulation in the attic. While its not allot of money it
made the upstairs rather warm this year. Nice. I want to buy new windows
for the bed rooms.... Maybe with the tax check. I know I have to buy new
boards for the deck as well and when I do I have to re stain..... I think I
need about 15 rolls of insulation for the basement ceilings. Arrrrrg....

With gas creeping up rather quickly I started to re-tune the cars. Please
take a look to see what your cars tires can hold and inflate to about 38 or
40 psi. Its make a rougher ride (more bounce) but you will save on gas.
Time for new plugs and wire harness. This will improve gas usage by about
2%. New Air filter will help you by 3% Fuel injector cleaner will help as
well. Do it once a month or so - 2 bucks bakes a difference. Oil Change.
Consider a full synthetic change. This may increase your fuel economy by 1
or 2 %. All in all thats about a 5 % increase. Average MPG 25 x 3 tanks per
month x 16 gallon tank = 60 gallons per month x 12 mos = 720 gallons saved
per yr x $3.43/ gallon (price as of 3/12/2008) = rough savings of $2469.60
on a 5% boost..... Thats a lot of money folks......

Peace.

7 new SINS? Sounds like a to do list....

March 10, 2008, 3:01 pm
Seven More Sins, Thanks to Vatican
By Mike Nizza (as seen on www.nytimes.com)

Lust, gluttony, greed and the rest of the seven deadly sins gathered in the
6th century will have to get used to a modern companion. A Vatican official
has articulated seven new categories of sin "due to the phenomenon of
globalization."
"While sin used to concern mostly the individual, today it has mainly a
social resonance," Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti told L'Osservatore Romano,
Vatican City's local paper. Bloomberg News parsed his remarks into a
clip-n-savable list:
1. Bioethical" violations such as birth control
2. "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research
3. Drug abuse
4. Polluting the environment
5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
6. Excessive wealth
7. Creating poverty
The message, according to a leading scholar on Catholic thought talking to
BBC News, was meant as a reality check to priests "not sufficiently attuned
to some of the real evils in our world." There is more to life than
following the Ten Commandments, it would seem.
The seven deadly sins served another purpose, too: inspiring artists from
Bosch to Balanchine. Can anyone picture a similar renaissance fueled by
this new list. Or has it already happened?

On sleep.

Some days I think that the dreams just beat me up. I feel more tired when I wake up than when I go to sleep. I know I had a full night sleep , but my mind was going 100 miles per hour. I wake with remnants of crazy dreams that fade in the light of day. I know as soon as my head hit the pillow I started the dreaming. Maybe it is too much to dream. Maybe the dreams are just as intoxicating as brandy. I almost do better when I only get 5 hours and I fuel with coffee throughout the day.
Maybe I need a new bed. Its been a bit since we got a new mattress. I thought of the wacky space foam one. The one made for NASA. AS SEEN ON TV. I had a friend who has one that said it makes you feel almost too hot. It retains heat too well. I laid down in a sleep number bed.... Blagh. I think I want a KING size or better yer a California King size. Its 5 inches longer, and longer is always better *wink*.

I think that the quality of my sleep has suffered with the kids and dogs too. Generaly the dogs sleep on the floor every now and then they creep on to the bed after I go to sleep.  Sometimes one of the kids will wind up in bed with us as well. Most of the time I dont even notice, I'll wake up after most of them have left the bed. But I donth think that lends itself to a good deep sleep.

I know I have sleep apnia. I had a sleep study done years ago as well as the surgury to clean up my throat of excess tissues; tonsils, adnoids and uveulla. This helped greatly with my snoring, however when I am super tired or have been drinking I'll wind up snoring.

This Sunday I am losing an hour of sleep with Daylight savings time. That kinda sucks, but at least the SUn will be out longer. I'll be off kilter for a day of so..... SO with that in mind I hope you can get a decent night sleep. At least a better one than I do. Roll up in a blanket and turn off the alarm, sleep in until ou feel like it. Be lazy in the new morning. .... Peace.