Guns, babies and jesus....

Ive seen hate in many many forms in my life. Being an American with Mexican as my parents ethnicity I have seen my fair share of racism. I saw a mini van today that made me wince with both close mindedness and possible closeted racism. To be 100% I have not met the owners of the van that is in my works front lot, but I can see them in my minds eye. The van had several warning flags on it, like a dog with its hackles standing on end or a bees nest. The first and foremost was a sarah pallin sticker with the subtext guns, babies, jesus.  The next was the standard mccain/pallin sticker followed close by by the big 3 for dale ernhart (nascar). The true kicker was the NRA license plate bracket that held their license plate....... By me describing this van and closing your eye whom do you see? I see a frightened america maybe a wounded america and in the back a racist america.     Granted they may  be the nicest people on earth but to me you have too many warning bells for me to call them friend.

 Please vote people..... WAKE UP

election day blues....

its down to crunch time with the election this is my fifth presidential since I was 18. I always that this last 2 weeks before. Its all cat calling and mud slinging. Who is the least of 2 evils?  I'm already tired of the next president and he's not in office yet. God-- I'm hoping for change in a thousand catagories....end the war and put money back in my pocket.  I work that Tuesday and I'll go before work starts. I hope and pray this is the strongest showing of people that we have seen. I also hope that the Hillary people don't blow it for everyone.  I believe that each candidate has positive things for the country but obama is the right choice for me. I'd still pay for naughty photos of pallin to show up on the INTERNET.

    The republican party bought her $150,000  of new clothes and paid $22500 for the first 2 WEEKS in October for a stylist........ WTF. This was brought up because Cindy McCain dresses only in Armini and refuses not to be on stage with John..... Its a dog and pony show with the same old dogs with new tricks...

I've been watching the maps as of late and it looks line Obama is the leader but I am not counting out anything with 7 days to go.  This is when all Hell breaks loose and the real skeletons come out of the closets.... Pro-choice, pro gay marriage, anti - terrorist etc...  Now it will get really extreme.

    All this and win or lose Palin gets a trip to see Oprah and an book deal on how I won or lost ..... Pet her in Hustler and it will sell 3 million copies. Did you know there is a porno out already out featuring a palin lookalike????  I saw a clip on the Daily show...

Folks I hope and pray you take your privilege and vote for whom ever your heart or mind desires, just vote.

PAX AMERICANA

I...

I made my kids laugh today.
I find that my knees hurt in the rain today.
I called my parents today.
I slept less than I wanted to today.
I looked at sales ads today.
I fell asleep at work today.
I got caught in the rain today.
I envyed things in the Best buy ad today.
I forgot my sons lunch today.
I decided not to shave today.
I made peanutbutter and honey sandwiches today.
I wrote a dirty story today.
I shaved and took my own sweet time doing it today.
I read part of a novel today.
I was hungry at work today.
I enjoyed the quiet before the kids woke up today.
I admired the sunrise today.
I carved pumpkins today.
I mowed my lawn today.
I worked on Halloween costumes today.
I lifted weights today.
I complained that my arms were sore afterward today.
I opened a stock plan today.
I hugged a friend today.
I daydreamed about the lottery today.
I drove many many cars today.
I bled today.
I envyed someone today.
I smiled at some kids today.
I helped a person off the ground today.
I wished I was a kid again.
I missed my Uncle today.
I wanted to do something different today.

Not everything was done"today" but  was within the last 3 days......

Falling from the sky...

My friends in apartments have not been having the best of luck. One was
involved in a house fire and is currently displaced in a tepmorary
apartment. The other had a helicopter crash in to an huge radio antenna in
their complex. All the apartments within 1000' were evacutated because it
may fall. My heart goes out to that group of families. The toddler as well
as the flight crew that was trying to save that child.

++++++++++++++++++++

There has been a 2nd child abduction attempt that happened in town/next
town over from where I live. I swear I even pray that I never stop an
abduction. I have zero pity in my heart for somone that wishes harm on a
child. I would have no problem doing hard time for killing a
rapist/molester. The monsters look just like us......

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I've been having falling dreams. I don't know where I'm falling from , but
I am falling at a high rate of speed. I used to have reoccuring dreams all
the time of me pulling my own teeth out. Now its these falling dreams. I
guess its ok - it's only dreams.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have to laugh at all the self imposed drama that girls put them selves in
to. Young girls gabbing to each other about this and that. They have no
clue about life in the big pond.....

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starring out the window.....

     Its a wonderful time. We have color in the trees; red, browns, yellows and orange. The leaves dry and fall to the ground when the wind blows. I have always loved the sound that they make as I walk through them. A crunch crunch with each step. The night also gets a touch louder when the wind blows the leaves in the street and across the lawns.
I think I have to mow about 3 or 4 more times to mulch the leaves in the back yard down to a fine powder. Its almost time to rack the bicycles in the garage and to seal the windows for the long winter. I think that its the change of season and the whole big picture in the news that is getting me in to a mental funk. I ride my bike at night and I do feel better just peddling away as I ride. A few miles here and there where I do not have to worry about anything in the universe except the next little rise in the road or what gear I am in.
    The thing is that the bike season is down to a few weeks before its gone. I then have to find a new way to keep my mind active and the world out of it. I would like to get in to a boxing class or something like that but when do I have the time? When do any of us have time any more? I ran out of time this year to go camping, fly a kite and just grill outside. I missed my chance on going to the pool and getting away from it all for a few days.

    Granted I did catch fireflies, ride my bike allot with my kids. I taught my 4yr old how to ride a bike w/out training wheels. I went to movies and the drive-in. I made tacos.

It's hard to be the main provider of the house and be intouch with your kids. By the time I get home 90% of the time they are in bed. On Sundays I am beat and have to take care of the house.  But every now and then it all comes together and we have a good time. Guy time watching a baseball game at the local park. Mowing the lawn or just hanging out and playing with matchbox cars on the floor. Every now and then.....

Sorry to be off on a few tangents; it was slow here today. My window at work was open for me to gaze away.....

mismash 2

I'm starting to hate coming in to work. So many people complaining about this and that. Maybe it helps them to feel better in the misery of others -sharenbrudden?? I know that is wayyy misspelled but the Germans have a separate word for that idea. I try only to catch the news in the morning to catch the weather and sports. The politics and economics have become a daily grind on me and the rest of the world collectively.
My business got hit hard by a series of things; The cost of gas, credit crunch, loss of value of big cars and the cost of small cars going up, people losing jobs. All this plays heavy in to how many people are looking in to buying cars. We are starting to see more repos in the back lot. Every day is starting to blend in to one another......I have to get out of my funk.... We as a country need to get out of t his funk..... 

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I had a dream. I was having beers with the governer of texas in a big party tent. He looked like a blend of GW bush, arnold and jay leno. On the main table there were many types of micro brews. I was having a tecate and a waitress took it away and gave me 3 coronas and a hand full of cut limes. -- thats it , then I woke up....weird.

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pax

 

 

 

mismash of thoughts

in the eye of the storm of bad news and crazy economics I an trying just to be a good father. Yesterday we broke out the old crystal growing kit, matchbox cars and video games. I always make breakfast for the boys and often walk my oldest to school. I get my Mr. Mom fix during the week, Laundry, lunches and I often watch one or two other parents kids during the week for an hour here or there. I often do get jealous of my wifes time with the kids. They will ask me "are you going to work today?". I guess I just do not know their routine with mom.  I have my own things to do and jobs that need to get done Even when I do have the boys.
       My dad was not really there for me as a kid. Granted he worked third shift so when he got home I was going to school. When I got home from school he was sleeping and going to work. We were really disconnected until I turned 25 and almost died. I think I am trying to make sure they remember me as a positive dad. I love me dad but is it wrong to try to be so different from him? Now he is retired and we really do get along. More so than any time we do get along. I think its the grandkids maybe he sees the time he lost with me. He is a great grandfather with my kids and my sisters. I think he developed patience with kids as the grandkids came along.

     My uncle was my father figure. He's the one that took me fishing and to ball games. We would often read and trade books with each other. Go to movies and have fun. The last movie I saw with him was Mission to Mars. Not exactly an Oscar winner, but it holds a special place in my heart.
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Winter is starting to creep on to us so I'm trying to get on my bicycle as often as I can before the snow gets here. The bad part is that's its all after dark so that does get kinda scary sometimes.Even with all my wacky lights people just do not see you.  I've been riding about 5 miles every other night. I'd rather ride in the daytime but I just don't have the time. Riding the prairie path after dark is super scary, its like something out of Sleepy Hollow and you need is the headless horseman.  Its hard at night, the streets are busy and lights are bright.  I will say that riding on butterfield is out at night. The shoulders of teh road are not good and traffic is too close to the rider.

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peace....

.....Bad Wednesday.....

I heard the news today , oh boy. 600 jobs lost from the company I work for.
I really do not know what to say. I have never been in a company that has
done this. I know that times are tough, that things are way off course. I
have not looked at my 401 because I know that I will want to scream. Gas,
election,bailout, credit crisis, this that and the other.................
I'm going to confess something publicly or at least semi publicy....
the reason I had sold my gun was not only to pay bills , but because the
thought of me putting the barrel in my mouth and pulling the trigger was
growing strong. I am not a person of light. I have always been a dark
person. With everything going on I could feel things just piling up on me
mentally. I know I have been in and out of depression spells. Who hasn't
... but this last year is really is killing me. I feel lost. I feel like a
bad parent because I have to tell my kids - Sorry we cant afford this or
that. Granted its things they do not need - Wii, Disney etc, but its things
that I would love to give them.... I feel like a failure at work even
though I'm going ehhhh ok....I feel like I'm in a nose spin and about to
smack bottom..... I know I'm not alone. There are people that are worse
off....and that I am blessed by what I do have. I'll also tell you that I
have not have had a drink in almost 4 months.... I'm actually afraid that I
will not stop. I did have 2 beers with my sloppy joes last week ,but beer
is different.
Listen I'm sorry for the rant - I just needed to vent..... I know
things will get better , but when?????

PS do not worry.... my head IS screwed on right.... no need for a suicide
intervention...