Holiday. Some times work and life gets in the way of plans. I got home late
and sat in the dark eating my dinner. No one ringing the door bell or one
to tell me about their day, no costume shows. I ate my fries and watched
something on BRAVO on the scariest movies.
With my odd ball work schedule I miss most celebrations in my life. Friends
birth dates, kids birth dates and just regular dates off as the rest of the
world. I spend very little time with my own kids except for breakfast. In
that time I usually spent yelling at them to finish so we can get to
school. Everything is on such a short clock. At night I creep in to their
bedrooms and tuck them in again and kiss them on the cheek. They will never
remember this but I will. When I'm home I wonder if I'm doing any better
than my own father did with me? He had his brother and sister living with
us, so that helped him lots.
I guess I'm feeling lost in the last few weeks. The Sun is going down
earlier, its getting colder and I don't know where I'm heading. I feel
like I work , eat, watch an hour of the telly and the drop off to bed. It's
a nasty cycle. My dreams are getting worse. Odd colors and Dr visits in
the shadows.
I feel like getting away and living in the deep country. Far away from the
noise and lights. The question would be , what type of life would my kids
have? How would their education be? Hospital care? How open are people in
the country to a Mexican in their midst?
People often fantasize of tropical islands and resorts. I would not mind a
big cabin in the woods, a big farm house on the plains, some where with
lots of land to insulate me from the noise of the world.
Yesterday was the Dia de los Meurtos (the day of the Dead). The day we look
at the family and loved ones that had died. Also because of that I began to
look at the relations in my life. I had to laugh; I've some some friends
for over 30 years and even my college friends for more than 19 years. I met
them in fall of 1997. I've known them longer than I've not known them. By
hook or by crook they are part of my life. I've seen them go through the
cycles of life with them. Births and deaths in the families. How long
before I have to put one in the ground? I pray its many decades from
now....
Where did my time go? I know this is a question that is asked by every
single person on this planet. Where did my time go? Every minute passes the
same for every one , but its how its perceived that make a difference. If I
could stretch out that one day, year or lifetime I could solve the worlds
problems. Even with the friends that I do spend time with I wish I could
spend more time with them.
I lost contact with a friend for almost 16 years. We connected again right
away, but thats is what friends are for. Invisible connections that last.
Trust that is still there. Laughs and memories that act as an emotional
glue between the two of us.
Any ways thats whats been in my head and heart for the the last few days.
Take care and stay warm....Peace.
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