.....Bad Wednesday.....

I heard the news today , oh boy. 600 jobs lost from the company I work for.
I really do not know what to say. I have never been in a company that has
done this. I know that times are tough, that things are way off course. I
have not looked at my 401 because I know that I will want to scream. Gas,
election,bailout, credit crisis, this that and the other.................
I'm going to confess something publicly or at least semi publicy....
the reason I had sold my gun was not only to pay bills , but because the
thought of me putting the barrel in my mouth and pulling the trigger was
growing strong. I am not a person of light. I have always been a dark
person. With everything going on I could feel things just piling up on me
mentally. I know I have been in and out of depression spells. Who hasn't
... but this last year is really is killing me. I feel lost. I feel like a
bad parent because I have to tell my kids - Sorry we cant afford this or
that. Granted its things they do not need - Wii, Disney etc, but its things
that I would love to give them.... I feel like a failure at work even
though I'm going ehhhh ok....I feel like I'm in a nose spin and about to
smack bottom..... I know I'm not alone. There are people that are worse
off....and that I am blessed by what I do have. I'll also tell you that I
have not have had a drink in almost 4 months.... I'm actually afraid that I
will not stop. I did have 2 beers with my sloppy joes last week ,but beer
is different.
Listen I'm sorry for the rant - I just needed to vent..... I know
things will get better , but when?????

PS do not worry.... my head IS screwed on right.... no need for a suicide
intervention...