Tuesday, December 30, 2008

the end of '08

Well its almost over...2008. The gifts are unwrapped and the lights are
off. The hoopla is over and the ham is all gone. The grandparents spoiled
the kids and the dogs are beat....This has been one of the worse years in
my life...No physically, but all the mental uncerntantity...The next
president, the economy, gas prices are $4.40 less than 6 months ago and
people act as if it did not happen, housing bubble, auto industry on the
verge...I feel like I have become much much older than I really am this
year alone...

With that out of my system, Christmas was good. I once again lived it
through my kids eyes. Watching them rip open packages and get to gifts that
just made them beam with excitement. I enjoy being Santa and getting things
ready for them. I enjoy helping them pick what cookies Santa would like...
It was a good thing to believe in things bigger than your self...

I hope that 2009 brings you all a much better future and great health. I
just want to say thank you for reading the cluttered thoughts that roll
around in my noggin from time to time....Peace and hope for 2009.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Bells.....

Well its here....Christmas. Most of the month I hate it. The raw retail
push, the greed factor starting in November. The "Black Friday" mentality
that killed a person at a wall mart just makes me cringe. Its in the last
few days that I really enjoy, watching my kids get all ramped up for the
big day. Making cookies for the Claus, tree is lit, stockings are hung, and
toys put away..... These are good times, they still believe. They still
hear the Silver Bells.
I don't know when I lost my innocence with Christmas. When I knew mom
and dad planted the gifts. I did always hope that one present was from the
Claus. Just one small box brought for me and me alone. I believe through my
kids now and thats what is important. watching them glow with anticipation
of Santa.
So with this little blog post I wanted to say keep your kids alive
inside of you. Keep listening for that silver bell to ring no matter how
small..... Merry Christmas to all and yes even a happy Kwanzaa (what ever
the hell that is).

Saturday, December 20, 2008

snap crackle pop...

The cold has been in my bones. My hands , back and knees are killing me.
Ha, I'm getting old from the inside out. A few weeks ago my left knee hurt
and was sore for 2 days. The following day O woke up and my knee was no
longer sore, but it now clicks when I walk down stairs....How long before
it goes out on me? Every step it sounds like some one snapping their
fingers. Snap, snap snap.... I spent the night shoveling yesterday. The
drive, walk, neighbors drive and walk.... Now im beat and sore. I'm working
now but fantisizing of a hot lavanar bath when I get home...... these are
not normal man fantisies. They shoule be of young women in various states
of undress taking care of me. Thats what my fantisies should be full of ,
not time alone in a hot shower or bath.... The heart wants what it wants.
***the truth is that i am scared of my knee now and I pray that I do not
need a replacement down the line.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Ice ice baby.....

Why do I live in Illinois? OK I have family and friends here , but not alot
of family and it is a handful of friends. The weather is just killing
me.... I could hear the rain falling last night against the siding of the
house. The bad part was that I knew it was going to drop about 40 degrees
to a low of 7 above zero in just 5 hours. I woke up at about 430 to scrape
my wifes car and to start them both. At least with the defrost running it
will be easier come morning. I also thew down a bunch of salt on the drive
way so it was walkable.
Driving to work I spun out and I almost slid off the road going to the
dentist. Thats my morning. The good part was that no one was hurt only
frightened.....
I really do not know where I would live. I hate the heat, I'm not an
ocean fan , I really do'nt mind the cold. Ohio? Alaska? Seattle? Oregon?
Nebraka is ok, Iowa ... not so much. Mo? ... nah. Not Indiana , nope.
Wisconsin? The do like beer and sausages...Idaho??? Nope I'm not a white
survivialist, Dakotas? who knows... it just seems lonley like wyoming,
Montana?
Who knows where else I would live if I did'nt live here....

Friday, December 12, 2008

Betty Page, RIP


Printed without permission from the NY Times. I will be happy to remove if

asked.



Good Bye Betty.... You will always be young and beautiful in my heart....





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



December 12, 2008

Bettie Page, Queen of Pinups, Dies at 85

By ROBERT D. McFADDEN

Bettie Page, a legendary pinup girl whose photographs in the nude, in

bondage and in naughty-but-nice poses appeared in men's magazines and

private stashes across America in the 1950s and set the stage for the

sexual revolution of the rebellious '60s, died Thursday in Los Angeles. She

was 85.



Her death was reported by her agent, Mark Roesler, on Ms. Page's Web site,

bettiepage.com.



Ms. Page, whose popularity underwent a cult-like revival in the last 20

years, had been hospitalized for three weeks with pneumonia and was about

to be released Dec. 2 when she suffered a heart attack, said Mr. Roesler,

of CMG Worldwide. She was transferred in a coma to Kindred Hospital, where

she died.



In her trademark raven bangs, spike heels and killer curves, Ms. Page was

the most famous pinup girl of the post-World War II era, a centerfold on a

million locker doors and garage walls. She was also a major influence in

the fashion industry and a target of Senator Estes Kefauver's

anti-pornography investigators.



But in 1957, at the height of her fame, she disappeared, and for three

decades her private life — two failed marriages, a fight against poverty

and mental illness, resurrection as a born-again Christian, years of

seclusion in Southern California — was a mystery to all but a few close

friends.



Then in the late 1980s and early '90s, she was rediscovered and a Bettie

Page renaissance began. David Stevens, creator of the comic-book and later

movie character the Rocketeer, immortalized her as the Rocketeer's

girlfriend. Fashion designers revived her look. Uma Thurman, in bangs,

reincarnated Bettie in Quentin Tarantino's "Pulp Fiction," and Demi Moore,

Madonna and others appeared in Page-like photos.



There were Bettie Page playing cards, lunch boxes, action figures, T-shirts

and beach towels. Her saucy images went up in nightclubs. Bettie Page fan

clubs sprang up. Look-alike contests, featuring leather-and-lace and

kitten-with-a-whip Betties, were organized. Hundreds of Web sites appeared,

including her own, which had 588 million hits in five years, CMG Worldwide

said in 2006.



Biographies were published, including her authorized version, "Bettie Page:

The Life of a Pin-Up Legend," (General Publishing Group) which appeared in

1996. It was written by Karen Essex and James L. Swanson.



A movie, "The Notorious Bettie Page," starring Gretchen Mol as Bettie and

directed by Mary Harron for Picturehouse and HBO Films, was released in

2006, adapted from "The Real Bettie Page," by Richard Foster. Bettie May

Page was born in Jackson, Tenn., the eldest girl of Roy and Edna Page's six

children. The father, an auto mechanic, molested all three of his

daughters, Ms. Page said years later, and was divorced by his wife when

Bettie was 10. She and some of her siblings were placed for a time in an

orphanage. She attended high school in Nashville, and was almost a

straight-A student, graduating second in her class.



She graduated from Peabody College, a part of Vanderbilt University in

Nashville, but a teaching career was brief. "I couldn't control my

students, especially the boys," she said. She tried secretarial work,

married Billy Neal in 1943 and moved to San Francisco, where she modeled

fur coats for a few years. She divorced Mr. Neal in 1947, moved to New York

and enrolled in acting classes.



She had a few stage and television appearances, but it was a chance meeting

that changed her life. On the beach at Coney Island in 1950, she met Jerry

Tibbs, a police officer and photographer, who assembled her first pinup

portfolio. By 1951, the brother-sister photographers Irving and Paula Klaw,

who ran a mail-order business in cheesecake, were promoting the Bettie Page

image with spike heels and whips, while Bunny Yeager's pictures featured

her in jungle shots, with and without leopards skins.



Her pictures were ogled in Wink, Eyeful, Titter, Beauty Parade and other

magazines, and in leather-fetish 8- and 16-millimeter films. Her first name

was often misspelled. Her big break was the Playboy centerfold in January

1955, when she winked in a Santa Claus cap as she put a bulb on a Christmas

tree. Money and offers rolled in, but as she recalled years later, she was

becoming depressed.



In 1955, she received a summons from a Senate committee headed by Senator

Kefauver, a Tennessee Democrat, that was investigating pornography. She was

never compelled to testify, but the uproar and other pressures drove her to

quit modeling two years later. She moved to Florida. Subsequent marriages

to Armond Walterson and Harry Lear ended in divorce, and there were no

children. She moved to California in 1978.



For years Ms. Page lived on Social Security benefits. After a nervous

breakdown, she was arrested for an attack on a landlady, but was found not

guilty by reason of insanity and sent to a California mental institution.

She emerged years later as a born-again Christian, immersing herself in

Bible studies and serving as an adviser to the Billy Graham Crusade.



In recent years, she had lived in Southern California on the proceeds of

her revival. Occasionally, she gave interviews in her gentle Southern

drawl, but largely stayed out of the public eye — and steadfastly refused

to be photographed.



"I want to be remembered as I was when I was young and in my golden times,"

she told The Los Angeles Times in 2006. "I want to be remembered as a woman

who changed people's perspectives concerning nudity in its natural form."

Monday, December 08, 2008

mmm mmm good


Arachera (skirt steak on the grill)
burgers
portabella mushrooms
wings
tandoori chicken
floutas
tacos
peanut butter cup waffles
bacon
chili con carne'
pico de gallo
hot dogs
home made ice cream
brownies
Italian mac and cheese
jimaca in lime
cukes in lime and chili pepper
migas
fresh squid
scrambled eggs
quesidellas
beef soup
beef stew
pasta w/ a clam sauce
carrots on butter and brown sugar
baked Brie
spanacopita (spinach pie)
a good steak med rare
elvis breakfast
refried beans
Spanish rice
mati paneer
eggplant Parmesan


Just a list of what I really enjoy cooking......I'm hungry at work right
now and all I have here is a simple noodles in a cup.......

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

its my blanky.....


Ever wake up and just feel good for a few minutes before the day settles in
on you? I laid there for about 10 minutes this morning. Laying there
somewhere between dreaming and the waking world. The heat was on and I was
wrapped in a very comfy blanket. No one was in bed with me, no wife, no
kids and no dogs. Just me in my warm bed and blanket. My world consisted of
me and my blanky..... That was nice.
Its cold outside but bright and I think that is the key on my seasonal
funk.... Today I feel good and I hope you do also. I'm trying to stay
positive both mentally and physically. Its too easy to get in to a cabin
fever funk in the winter. We still have 4 months to go until St. Pattys...
thats my official end of winter celebration.

PAX.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

its dark way too early......

The first real snow fell yesterday. I'm know that I'm old now when my first thought was "pain in the ass". I can really feel the weather change in my knuckles. They feel tight and I have to pop the more and more. I walked my son to school as I do most mornings. He's old enough to walk by himself , but I like to walk him about half the time. He's enjoying the snow. He's all bundled in his snow pants and hoodie jacket he was warm.  As a kid I waled about 2 blocks to school and in High school I would walk near a mile. I remember the cold on my face and ice forming on my still wet hair. I don't really remember too much of it. 

  I know I'm just starting to get weird because of the lack of sunlight. We still have 19 days to go until the darkest day and winter starts. The darkness affects me because I sit next to a large window for the bulk of the day. Its just soooo depressing to see the Sun set at 4:15pm. The kids just got home from school and its Sundown.   I think I need to get some full spectrum bulbs. I said the same thing last year but I didn't do it them either. It feels like we are fighting an invasion. The Sun sets and the shades are drawn, doors are shut tight and the outside light is put on. All this at 4:30 pm.....

   Part of me want to move to Mexico and get away from the wind and snow. A second part want to move in to a cabin by a lake and just watch the sunset off the water.  I doubt I'll get a chance to retire the way things are now.  If I'm lucky I'll drop dead at work and just call it a day.....

Folks - no worries , its just the dark creeping in on me..........

Monday, December 01, 2008

achey

Maybe because I'm drinking too much coffee maybe I just watch too much news on the TV, but I've been ill. I don't sleep right I have not really eaten well and I constantly have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Somewhere between nausea and hunger. This economy is just draining on everyone here at work. I'm working 6 days a week and waiting longer between customers. The economy have brought our foot traffic down to a crawl. The people that are coming through the door are people that have to buy a car not people that need to buy a car. Many many people are so far upside down on their cars too, lost jobs and things of that nature are catching up to many. Its draining to hear stories like this every day.
besides the weather I'm trying to avoid the TV. The news just beats down on me. The papers don't offer any relief either. I want to scream in to the wind , but that again makes no difference in the world. Its dark everywhere and all is banking on Obamma. How far and how quickly can he bring us back? That is a question that is on everyones mind... How and how dast the change will come. What is first in the books. Many many states are already red in their budgets. How is that going to effect people if the roads wont be fixed, plowed or garbage picked up. How long before towns go belly up and cops are not paid, nor fire depts? I pray for the best and prepare for the worst. I really hope I don't have to go cannibal in the next few years.... Like Y2k but with better TVs

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Bad cake and ice cream....


Birthday parities are not the usual source of drama. For the most part
they are filled with balloons , cake and ice cream. My sister just does not
get this. She paid for an over the top magic party for her son and took 12
kids from his school. My mom wanted to do something small and for the kids
in the neighborhood. So she bought a small cake, made hot dogs and a few
kid games. To my mom and 90% of the country this is a 6 year old party....
My sister could not complain enough, I don't know this kids, I don't want
to clean up, I paid $500 for this yesterday..... She even called me after I
left to complain to get a sympathetic ear and I went off on her. The party
is not for you. Its for moms grandson whom she loves dearly. Enjoy the fact
that mom wants to do a party for him. Clean up - whats that take 15 minutes
of picking up foam plates and a few cups. 1 cake 6 candles and a few pieces
to take home.... I think she got the message. She could not say anything
and all I hear was silence on the phone....
I called my mom the next day to thank for for the party....part of me
did that just to tick off my sister. If the party runs you $500 or just
under $20 for a cake and hot dogs a child will only remember the smiles,
songs and the love that was shown to make him feel special for a day.......
Peace.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Public Secret......




I sw this on Post Secret and its 100% the same thing that went on in my head after he was elected.....
Peace....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

messiah complex......


**Its been a bit over a week since the election of the new messiah. It
almost seems that way with the amount of people crying and praising him
before he's even in the white house. People treat it as the second coming.
People hording newspapers with his section in it. I just want to be sure it
is not about a skin color. In the back of my head I pray thats not all it
is.
I was happy that the candidate I voted for was in, but to see the
celebration in grant park and the faces....I just don't get it. Maybe I'm
too jaded too old to hope for something better. I see every person in off
as a jerk. I voted for whom I thought was a good candidate for gov of
Illinois, but was he any better?? not really.
I watched south park and I hope you all did too. Cries of Change echoed
through south park as obama was elected. I think people want it too change
all at once. The reality of it is that even things were done first day he
is in office it would be years before they are done. Getting the boys out
of the war will take 2 years at best. To pump the economy to levels before
the summer....2 yrs??
Maybe its the weather, maybe its me being a cynic...yea he's a ba$tard,
but he's my ba$tard.... Good or bad I helped put him in there. I guess it
also give me the right to complain if things go more sour...... The old
regime is dead and long live the new flesh....I things went so far left
with this vote that the republican party will be force to really revamp
their thinking in candidates as well as core groups to focus in. 2nd
generation and third Latinos, blacks that are well off, disenfranchised
business owners. People who took a bath in their 401 k's.... women. I think
women will be more of a focus group in the next round. Not just to put a
pretty face infront of the camera , but to really look at problems...


anyways--- peace, drive safe and dress warm.....

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Zero Hour.....


Zero hour best describes the first moments after an explosion.   I am using it today to describe the new president. I have such high hopes for him that I really hope that I am not let down. So much is riding on his shoulders that any little thing that does not go his way will seem like a failure.  Today is Zero hour. The one true day he has to rest and recover before the eyes of the world go on him again. How much can he dig us out of? The wars? The economy? The dis pare we have in our hearts? Uncertain future in this country. I feel very sorry for him because anything that is not done leaves him as a punching bag for the GOP. As a step for the republicans to get in there for 2012. My uncle had a loose theory that this country needed republicans in for two term and follow it by a single term as a democrat to steer us back twords the left again.....

   Allot of what I saw last night was grandstanding for the cameras. Jessie Jackson crying along side with Oprah. That just made it seem like we elected a skin color. Whole I will not take that away from him in being the first non-white male president. I voted him as an individual. Skin color had no bias for me. I really do want to know how many people voted on skin color. Whether it was pro or against the color of his skin- I would love to see stats on that. How many inner city people voted for him because on that alone and how many people in rural areas voted the other ways for the same reason. Going through the maps state by state Obama won the citys and surrounding counties, but not the bulk of rural areas.......

    The election is over. That alone takes the monkey off the back of america. One less thing we have to worry about as a nation. Lets see how long until we get better. I wish the presidents term was 6 years. In two years we will be starting to do this all over again. People already forgot that obama has been running for 22 months....

Peace.

 

the long Halloween....

Well its over. The one month build up to the big day. Candy, costumes and fun. The neighborhood was loaded with kids. I would say an easy 150 or more. I took my boys for about a 2 mile walk. Through caul de sacs (sp?)and across many many streets. We would up with close to 5 pounds of candy, but we wound up giving out close to 5 pounds of candy. My kids were complaining that they were tired and tha candy was too heavy. I did have them dump it in to several bags that I carried for them. In the end I was beat. I did have them dresses in dark clothes , but with glow sticks and assorted lights it helped alot. In the end I had quite a blast with my kids. 

Somewhere in the night I felt cheated of my own childhood. My mom had taken me out as a kid a few times and after that I went out with my own friends.  Its funny the older I become the more I wish for my dad in my childhood.  Its in the past and its a good guide to look forward to. To not only see what was wrong , but to see what was done right and grow as a dad......

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

ahhhhhh

Its early in the night and I feel like I want to throw up. This whole
election is insane. Its only 6:30 pm and I and others at work are wound up
to no end.........

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Guns, babies and jesus....


Ive seen hate in many many forms in my life. Being an American with Mexican as my parents ethnicity I have seen my fair share of racism. I saw a mini van today that made me wince with both close mindedness and possible closeted racism. To be 100% I have not met the owners of the van that is in my works front lot, but I can see them in my minds eye. The van had several warning flags on it, like a dog with its hackles standing on end or a bees nest. The first and foremost was a sarah pallin sticker with the subtext guns, babies, jesus.  The next was the standard mccain/pallin sticker followed close by by the big 3 for dale ernhart (nascar). The true kicker was the NRA license plate bracket that held their license plate....... By me describing this van and closing your eye whom do you see? I see a frightened america maybe a wounded america and in the back a racist america.     Granted they may  be the nicest people on earth but to me you have too many warning bells for me to call them friend.

 Please vote people..... WAKE UP

Monday, October 27, 2008

election day blues....

its down to crunch time with the election this is my fifth presidential since I was 18. I always that this last 2 weeks before. Its all cat calling and mud slinging. Who is the least of 2 evils?  I'm already tired of the next president and he's not in office yet. God-- I'm hoping for change in a thousand catagories....end the war and put money back in my pocket.  I work that Tuesday and I'll go before work starts. I hope and pray this is the strongest showing of people that we have seen. I also hope that the Hillary people don't blow it for everyone.  I believe that each candidate has positive things for the country but obama is the right choice for me. I'd still pay for naughty photos of pallin to show up on the INTERNET.

    The republican party bought her $150,000  of new clothes and paid $22500 for the first 2 WEEKS in October for a stylist........ WTF. This was brought up because Cindy McCain dresses only in Armini and refuses not to be on stage with John..... Its a dog and pony show with the same old dogs with new tricks...

I've been watching the maps as of late and it looks line Obama is the leader but I am not counting out anything with 7 days to go.  This is when all Hell breaks loose and the real skeletons come out of the closets.... Pro-choice, pro gay marriage, anti - terrorist etc...  Now it will get really extreme.

    All this and win or lose Palin gets a trip to see Oprah and an book deal on how I won or lost ..... Pet her in Hustler and it will sell 3 million copies. Did you know there is a porno out already out featuring a palin lookalike????  I saw a clip on the Daily show...

Folks I hope and pray you take your privilege and vote for whom ever your heart or mind desires, just vote.

PAX AMERICANA

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I...

I made my kids laugh today.
I find that my knees hurt in the rain today.
I called my parents today.
I slept less than I wanted to today.
I looked at sales ads today.
I fell asleep at work today.
I got caught in the rain today.
I envyed things in the Best buy ad today.
I forgot my sons lunch today.
I decided not to shave today.
I made peanutbutter and honey sandwiches today.
I wrote a dirty story today.
I shaved and took my own sweet time doing it today.
I read part of a novel today.
I was hungry at work today.
I enjoyed the quiet before the kids woke up today.
I admired the sunrise today.
I carved pumpkins today.
I mowed my lawn today.
I worked on Halloween costumes today.
I lifted weights today.
I complained that my arms were sore afterward today.
I opened a stock plan today.
I hugged a friend today.
I daydreamed about the lottery today.
I drove many many cars today.
I bled today.
I envyed someone today.
I smiled at some kids today.
I helped a person off the ground today.
I wished I was a kid again.
I missed my Uncle today.
I wanted to do something different today.

Not everything was done"today" but  was within the last 3 days......

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Falling from the sky...

My friends in apartments have not been having the best of luck. One was
involved in a house fire and is currently displaced in a tepmorary
apartment. The other had a helicopter crash in to an huge radio antenna in
their complex. All the apartments within 1000' were evacutated because it
may fall. My heart goes out to that group of families. The toddler as well
as the flight crew that was trying to save that child.

++++++++++++++++++++

There has been a 2nd child abduction attempt that happened in town/next
town over from where I live. I swear I even pray that I never stop an
abduction. I have zero pity in my heart for somone that wishes harm on a
child. I would have no problem doing hard time for killing a
rapist/molester. The monsters look just like us......

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I've been having falling dreams. I don't know where I'm falling from , but
I am falling at a high rate of speed. I used to have reoccuring dreams all
the time of me pulling my own teeth out. Now its these falling dreams. I
guess its ok - it's only dreams.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have to laugh at all the self imposed drama that girls put them selves in
to. Young girls gabbing to each other about this and that. They have no
clue about life in the big pond.....

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

starring out the window.....

     Its a wonderful time. We have color in the trees; red, browns, yellows and orange. The leaves dry and fall to the ground when the wind blows. I have always loved the sound that they make as I walk through them. A crunch crunch with each step. The night also gets a touch louder when the wind blows the leaves in the street and across the lawns.
I think I have to mow about 3 or 4 more times to mulch the leaves in the back yard down to a fine powder. Its almost time to rack the bicycles in the garage and to seal the windows for the long winter. I think that its the change of season and the whole big picture in the news that is getting me in to a mental funk. I ride my bike at night and I do feel better just peddling away as I ride. A few miles here and there where I do not have to worry about anything in the universe except the next little rise in the road or what gear I am in.
    The thing is that the bike season is down to a few weeks before its gone. I then have to find a new way to keep my mind active and the world out of it. I would like to get in to a boxing class or something like that but when do I have the time? When do any of us have time any more? I ran out of time this year to go camping, fly a kite and just grill outside. I missed my chance on going to the pool and getting away from it all for a few days.

    Granted I did catch fireflies, ride my bike allot with my kids. I taught my 4yr old how to ride a bike w/out training wheels. I went to movies and the drive-in. I made tacos.

It's hard to be the main provider of the house and be intouch with your kids. By the time I get home 90% of the time they are in bed. On Sundays I am beat and have to take care of the house.  But every now and then it all comes together and we have a good time. Guy time watching a baseball game at the local park. Mowing the lawn or just hanging out and playing with matchbox cars on the floor. Every now and then.....

Sorry to be off on a few tangents; it was slow here today. My window at work was open for me to gaze away.....

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

mismash 2

I'm starting to hate coming in to work. So many people complaining about this and that. Maybe it helps them to feel better in the misery of others -sharenbrudden?? I know that is wayyy misspelled but the Germans have a separate word for that idea. I try only to catch the news in the morning to catch the weather and sports. The politics and economics have become a daily grind on me and the rest of the world collectively.
My business got hit hard by a series of things; The cost of gas, credit crunch, loss of value of big cars and the cost of small cars going up, people losing jobs. All this plays heavy in to how many people are looking in to buying cars. We are starting to see more repos in the back lot. Every day is starting to blend in to one another......I have to get out of my funk.... We as a country need to get out of t his funk..... 

-------------------------------------------

I had a dream. I was having beers with the governer of texas in a big party tent. He looked like a blend of GW bush, arnold and jay leno. On the main table there were many types of micro brews. I was having a tecate and a waitress took it away and gave me 3 coronas and a hand full of cut limes. -- thats it , then I woke up....weird.

------------------

pax

 

 

 

Monday, October 06, 2008

mismash of thoughts

in the eye of the storm of bad news and crazy economics I an trying just to be a good father. Yesterday we broke out the old crystal growing kit, matchbox cars and video games. I always make breakfast for the boys and often walk my oldest to school. I get my Mr. Mom fix during the week, Laundry, lunches and I often watch one or two other parents kids during the week for an hour here or there. I often do get jealous of my wifes time with the kids. They will ask me "are you going to work today?". I guess I just do not know their routine with mom.  I have my own things to do and jobs that need to get done Even when I do have the boys.
       My dad was not really there for me as a kid. Granted he worked third shift so when he got home I was going to school. When I got home from school he was sleeping and going to work. We were really disconnected until I turned 25 and almost died. I think I am trying to make sure they remember me as a positive dad. I love me dad but is it wrong to try to be so different from him? Now he is retired and we really do get along. More so than any time we do get along. I think its the grandkids maybe he sees the time he lost with me. He is a great grandfather with my kids and my sisters. I think he developed patience with kids as the grandkids came along.

     My uncle was my father figure. He's the one that took me fishing and to ball games. We would often read and trade books with each other. Go to movies and have fun. The last movie I saw with him was Mission to Mars. Not exactly an Oscar winner, but it holds a special place in my heart.
*************************************************
Winter is starting to creep on to us so I'm trying to get on my bicycle as often as I can before the snow gets here. The bad part is that's its all after dark so that does get kinda scary sometimes.Even with all my wacky lights people just do not see you.  I've been riding about 5 miles every other night. I'd rather ride in the daytime but I just don't have the time. Riding the prairie path after dark is super scary, its like something out of Sleepy Hollow and you need is the headless horseman.  Its hard at night, the streets are busy and lights are bright.  I will say that riding on butterfield is out at night. The shoulders of teh road are not good and traffic is too close to the rider.

*************************************************

peace....

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

.....Bad Wednesday.....

I heard the news today , oh boy. 600 jobs lost from the company I work for.
I really do not know what to say. I have never been in a company that has
done this. I know that times are tough, that things are way off course. I
have not looked at my 401 because I know that I will want to scream. Gas,
election,bailout, credit crisis, this that and the other.................
I'm going to confess something publicly or at least semi publicy....
the reason I had sold my gun was not only to pay bills , but because the
thought of me putting the barrel in my mouth and pulling the trigger was
growing strong. I am not a person of light. I have always been a dark
person. With everything going on I could feel things just piling up on me
mentally. I know I have been in and out of depression spells. Who hasn't
... but this last year is really is killing me. I feel lost. I feel like a
bad parent because I have to tell my kids - Sorry we cant afford this or
that. Granted its things they do not need - Wii, Disney etc, but its things
that I would love to give them.... I feel like a failure at work even
though I'm going ehhhh ok....I feel like I'm in a nose spin and about to
smack bottom..... I know I'm not alone. There are people that are worse
off....and that I am blessed by what I do have. I'll also tell you that I
have not have had a drink in almost 4 months.... I'm actually afraid that I
will not stop. I did have 2 beers with my sloppy joes last week ,but beer
is different.
Listen I'm sorry for the rant - I just needed to vent..... I know
things will get better , but when?????

PS do not worry.... my head IS screwed on right.... no need for a suicide
intervention...

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

NO ones and zeros.....

Well I'm off the INTERNET again. I had a doohickey that gave me free
INTERNET and it was cool for about 6 months. It does not work for me any
more. I have to check if it will work some where else some one with cable
but with no INTERNET. So with that going on I'm down to checking emails at
the library about 3 times a week, either before work or after. I guess
thats OK because I was burning allot of time hitting "stumble upon" until
my eyes watered from being up for way too long. I was thinking that I do
have a touch of INTERNET addiction.
Its a catch 22; I use it for nothing more than entertainment and what I
really want it for is for the kids. But their too young to read well.
Times is tough and you have to decided between needs and wants. Do I want a
IPOD Touch- hells yea. Do I need it? No, not at all. Do I want a new ULTRA
portable lap top with WI FI built in? Again, Hells yea...but lap top I have
now gets little use outside of me going out of town and using it as a media
center.
I have limited access at other places so I can always get the news, but
browsing for fun is out right now. I'm looking in to the ATT line up , but
the last time I dealt w/ DSL it was a headache. Rabbits were chewing the
cables outside......

Monday, September 29, 2008

Classic....


THE EARTH MONKEY 1908 AND 1968

These Monkeys are pretty by-the-book. They are diligent, motivated individuals, honest and trustworthy. They are calm and collected, genuinely concerned for the betterment of others. They are serious about their occupations and their friendships and are more dependable than most. Earth Monkeys devote themselves completely to causes and people they love and believe in. They don’t have much of an ego because they are such genuine human beings. They demand respect and can pitch a fit if not shown what they believe they deserve.

The wrong side of 40......


My 40th birthday came and went with out much fanfare and thats good. The days leading up to it as well as the day itself were dedicated to my kids. We had a small party for them. School mates , family and godparents. Even with that we had 12 or so kids I had to entertain. We did the egg toss and piñata , watched a bootleg version of Iron man and they all had a good time.

     I was given some nice gifts from my parents. I asked them for a photo of them when they were young. One is of my mom holding me when I was about 4 or 5. She was beautiful. My sister looks just like her. The other was my dad, I'm guessing him to be about 25 or so. I don't really remember him having 100% black hair.

     I also got a nice bottle of blended scotch , a 40 oz of some malt liquor and some nice cigars.  The kids gave me a nice dad shirt......It was a good day. The bad part was all the bugs outside, dear god. Even while sprayed I was bitten over 15 times.

     I was asked by a friend what I would like to have as a gift when I turned 40.... I gave her a private list, but I think this list would be good too. Its not a lot to ask for even though some things are impossible to get......

  1. My youth back. Youth is wasted on the young....I have one or two regrets. School and my spine.
  2. My time lost back.  Work is work, but I want to see my kids grow up I want to hang out with friends.....
  3. 50 lbs off of my body. Enough said.....
  4. 1 gillion dollars (in my best Dr evil voice)....I'd take 3 million cash in the bank. That would set me for life.....
  5. Better clothes. With work cloths work 90% of the time I just do not dress any more. I often come home, put on a pair of shorts and just sit.
  6. Nice shoes. Shoes that I don't have to worry about destroying with work chemicals. Dark red/brown leather and a new pair of doc Martin's
  7. 3 new tattoos. An arm band made with the "barrel of monkeys- monkeys", gears right on my knees and a cross.
  8. time to learn a new language - proper Spanish, French, Japanese, Italian, Chinese
  9. money to take a vacation or live in the country where I learned the new language
  10. about $2000 loose money to bring up the cars to as new as they get. I love the Jeep and the Toyota but the kids are hard on the cars. If not I'd take a new Camry and Santa Fe.
  11. RK surgury....still a big if, teeth whiting and a new crown and a touch of lipo.....Vanity thy name is man...
  12. a work shop like the one on myth busters, god I love those guys........
  13. I'd like a pop up/teardrop camper and some one to go with me to see the USA.....
  14. The keys to a comic shop and one week to read what I have missed....
  15. I'd like to finish my degree......
  16. Honesty from my sister.....-long story--
  17. I'd like a new hand gun. A colt python .357......I sold mine and I miss him.
  18. I'd like a pedicure and full massage. I like to be pampered-not sexually just to be groomed by a professional.
  19. I'd like to throw a big party for my friends, all of them....Downtown in a nice bar. Drinks, smokes and dinner.
  20. I'd like to be healthy enough to dance at my sons wedding. Hold my grand kids and see my sons 50th birthday.

I have reached a point in my life where I don't really need too many things in my life to keep me happy. I'm touching zen.

40 is here. The one thing that I have to remember I am running on limited time. I have to keep my self in better shape if I want to be here for my kids 50th. Thats about 45 years from now.  I feel old when it rains, but at least I'm alive to feel.....

Peace and thanks for the ducks......

Thursday, September 18, 2008

me time and lack of sleep.....

'I've been kind of out of it these past few days. Its like the worlds
collapsing in slow motion. I just do not want to turn on the TV or computer
when I get home from work. I just do not need any more bad news in my life.
I'll tell you something, I feel hollow inside. Maybe its the seasons
changing, maybe its just me getting older. I just feel empty. Fixing the
kids breakfast, dressed for work, work, go home, eat, watch TV and go to
sleep. I do this close to 30 days a month. Where is my time? When can I
have a do nothing day? Lay in bed for 24 hours? Play video games? When I
do have time its after 830pm after the kids are in bed until midnight (my
usual bed time).
I guess 3 hours are not that bad, I have to make better use of that
time? Ride my bike more? Work out again? read? learn something?
I'm sorry to rant, I slept really bad last night. My youngest had an
earache last night that started as he went to bed. He slept next to me and
just about cried as he slept. I avoided the ER because I knew that there
was not anything that they could do for him. This morning he awoke just
fine as if nothing happened. I'm a wreak here at work. I'm starting to see
things out of the corners of my eyes. I'll get some sleep and I'll be
fine.....

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

step on a crack....

Cr@p!! It happened again, I threw my back out. I actually felt it
happen in slow motion. I was in the kitchen an turned and took a breath in.
I could feel something in my spine slide sideways and then I felt the pain.
It hurts , but I took a pain med right away. It feels like a combination
between having to crack your back and having a cue ball stuck inside. Like
a hard lump in your spine. Now I really feel old. It hurts to stand, to sit
to lean back and to lay down. I'm making old man noises.....ahhh , ehhh,
oohhh, aacchh.
Its been 22 years since I did this to my own spine. About twice a year
I have penance for the past and suffer a bad back. I was in the hot shower
within 5 minutes of it popping on me. I think that helped before it got
worse....
My internet is down again...So I am limited on what and where I log in
on. Thats OK. It will get me out of the basement and in to the real world
at night. I would come home after working and just use stumble upon until
my eyes teared up and I was not able to see straight. I LOVE/HATE that
feature. Its like crack because 90% of the sights shown to me are something
that I enjoy... I may switch over to ATT internet/TV. One guy has it here
at work and I need to see how he likes it and for how much...
**********************************************
I got lucky at home with the floods... no water or seepage in the basement.
The sump pump was going off every 4 minutes. The pond by the house is way
high. Actually the highest that I have ever seen since I have been there.
In town they closed all the bridges I think 5 in all so getting around town
was a pain in the tush.
I hope you all stay dry and stay healthy..... Peace

Monday, September 15, 2008

????

--Its been awhile since actually posted here. I'm trying not to be
negative in my posts, so it makes things hard to write about. Times is
tough out there...that all I got to say about that.
Its birthday season at the house and I've been baking brownies for
school. Its a good thing. The boys are happy and I'm happy. I turn 40 in a
few weeks. The better part of that is that the boys birthday party is on
that day. It takes pressure off of me. Mentaly 40 was going to be hard.
I'm trying to lose weight and get in better shape. Thats going to be a
long hard road... but its do able. I'm also reading more. I'm reading two
books at a time. I kinda need a break from one book for a day or two and
flip back to the other one. I guess its like the way I watch TV.
The new season just started and I need to see which one get my vote...
its still way early for this one.. I'm looking forward to fringe, heros and
bizzare foods...
Ok folks -- peace and stay positive...

Test

Email test.... I've been getting bounce backs so .... Test, test , test 1,
....

Thursday, September 11, 2008

7 years of shit....


Its been 7 years and we still have to go through this every time. The name roster , the bells, the telivised crap on the TV . I'm done with 9/11. 7 yeras later and were still in Iraq and afaagistan.... for what? Bin laden? Oil? its all crap..... I know who I'm voting for and its sure as shit not palin and mc same..... Its time to rebuild and move on..... let bring our boys home and work on rebuilding the USA....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Attracting the odd.


My Saturdays are pretty normal. I go to work at 9 and come near 9pm. Sometime within the 12 hours I'm at work I sell a car or two. Today was no different, I come home at about 9:20 and I see something on the porch. I can't quite make it out from the headlights alone. I get out of the car and I see a rather large (about 2 ft high) clay bust of a chimpanzee. I had to touch it to make sure it was real. I went in the house - no note about the monkey. SO I had some late dinner and went to sleep. 5 am comes around and my wife calls me to tell me she made it to work. I ask her about the monkey on the steps, she has zero clue. 8 am comes around. I start to open up the house and take a look outside. Yup its still there. I make my son french toast and bacon, while he eats I actually go outside and take a look at my new chimpy friend. It is a statue made of clay that is a chimp bust. I lift it and it is damn heavy. I'm guessing 35 pounds and it was built on a frame work of 2-3 bricks. I move it to the side of my house and give a friend a call. I'm guessing he went to 2 brothers brewery and dropped off the monkey. Nope. I call Hecky - Nope. Tom wont come west of RT 59 and tony don't drive. According to Hecky Mick too lazy to do it. My wife closed teh front door about 7pm and I got home at 930.... I'm going to guess it was just a random weird thing. I'm planning on painting it like the joker for Halloween. I did ask my neighbor to see if by chance he did it as a mild prank. He looked stunned. Nope. My wife was a little freaked out become someone came on to the stoop with the kids at home.... I don't think this was meant as a hostile thing......

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

death in the Family 2

This weekend I went to a funeral for a friend. Yes this was my friends
father, but in life he was a friend to me as well. He was paralyzed from
the neck down for 14 years. It must have been a living hell for him to see
life moving beyond his own body. I'm glad that he is no longer suffering in
his physical life. I'll tell you- I miss him. I don't know if I would have
had the strength to stay alive. When I was in my own illness I had days
when I felt like taking my own life. My son keeps him in his nightly
prayers.
I have wrote before that I'm in that age group when you are starting to
see your parents and friends parents come full circle. The mid age; we're
not having kids, we're just making sure that our own kids do well. It is
starting to wear more and more heavily on my as I get closer to 40. I can
feel the weight of age creep in to my bones. I'm starting to take Advil or
Tylenol before I go to sleep just to quiet the dull ache. I'm lucky enough
to not be on any regular medicines as some of my friends are. Its the slow
tick to-ck of the clock that is beating me down. I feel some days if I
close my eyes that days, weeks and months wiz by with out me noticing. I'm
having a hard time remembering my kids as babies. I feel like just
yesterday my parents both had dark hair and held me before I fell asleep.
I'm sorry - its just being at the funeral make be wish that I could
peel back 20 years of my life and just take my time in enjoying life. Folks
I've said it before take ten munutes and tell the person you love that you
do love them, it just may be the last time you do. Yes it sounds morbid but
it is the truth..... Peace.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

cadence.....

Well - I've been semi obsessed with Bicycle lights for the last few days.
By law they are required in Illinois if you ride at night. A white light
for the front and a red for the rear. I dug out a couple of Halogen lights
for the front and a red led strip for the back. I also went out and bought
some reflective red tape for the back frame. I also wear a semi dorky
construction vest so I can be seen very well at night.
A few nights ago I was on the Illinois prairie path at about 7:30 at
night. It was dusk and there is heavy foliage that block the light on the
trail. You would be surprised to see how many people use NO lights. No led
blinkies , no lamps absolutely nothing. With the low light I only saw them
when they were about 5-7 feet from me. I would have been a pretty bad
accident if I would have smashed someone at full tilt. Again we live in the
cult of self importance. I'm suppose to know where you are.... Aaaagggg.
Any ways I'm down from 300 to 285-288 (depends on the day). I feel better
about my ride and my self. It's not a race any more. I think that the hard
part is knowing where to go. As a kid I always had to be somewhere, now I
really don't. I kind point the bike and just start peddling away. The
cadence soon develops and my mind stats to wander. I'm still very aware of
my surroundings but I'm free to be mentally elsewhere.
I saw two new style of under frame lights. One is a cold cathode tube
and the other is an led strip. Its very goofy but it will assure that there
is no problem in seeing me after dark. They both are about $20 bucks +
batteries. I enjoy the night as traffic dies down and it gets easier on
the street. It can also bring out the drunk and bad night driver. ....
Anyways -- peace...

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Daily ride


LINKY

Great feature on Gmaps or google maps if you bike or run. It's about 5.3 miles and I can do it in about 30 minutes riding at a relaxed pace. So about 10 miles an hour. I still have to get used to shifting and the lack of noise that allows my mind to just be me. Its rare that I get that time to be quiet with out being ready to fall asleep. My body is occupied and my mind is free to just be. I'll keep doing this or a rout close to this as long as the weather keeps up.
I can feel my legs getting stronger as I ride this every day. I do have to start stretching afterward instead of hopping in to a shower. I'm feeling better in my self by doing this.....
Peace

Sunday, August 03, 2008

WTF??

Somehow my templete got all fouled up.... I went with this one for now ... Ahhhh life in the digital age....

Thursday, July 31, 2008

bikes and skill sets...

Skill sets are very important in ones day to day work place and at home....I often have to learn many things in order to maintain both my house and cars.Os of this past weekend my 4 yr old has no need of training wheels. I went and bought him a used bike off of Craigslist and a great deal - Schwinn for $20. Granted it needed a little brake work and well to be truthfully I have not really worked on a bicycle in over 20 years. I actually bought a book to walk me through the paces of wires and hubs.... Not too bad. I'm going to list some skills that I have as well as things I really want to learn how to do. Maybe I'll take classes (when/if time allows!!!).

Drive stick, Cook and grill, fix the basics on a motor cycle, ride a motor cycle, maintain a car, do an oil change on a car, change a tire and jump a car, install a basic outlet for a celling fan, Basic wiring, change plugs in a car, install a faucett, install an new toilet, make beer, install a new radio/cd player, know the difference between many wines, make killer ice cream, sew enought to keep clothing longer, butcher an animal, Basic medical care including emergency child birth, how to shoot a hand gun properly, archery (target not hunting), basic knots for scouting, tae kwon do (no black belt but 4 years worth), astronomy

These are things that I would love to learn how to do/make if I had the time and or money....

Dance, swim, scuba, work copper pipe for plumbing, write FLASH, cook chinesse food, learn more languages, moorse code, HAM radio, how to make a stained glass window, build a fighting robot, better woodworking  (small items), metal craft, gun smithing, skydiveing, how to draw better. There are many many more and in truth I woule love to do more with the time that I have. I guess you do really know what you do not know until you realize that you do not know it.....

****More bike updates.... A week ago I drove over my other sons bike. Crushing the wheel and goose neck. I looked at replacing the parts but a wheel for the bike ran $35 and the goose neck was about $25. FRACK the whole bike only cost $100. Craigslist to the rescue. I found a girls bike the same size for $5. Yes $5. My master plan was to take the rim and goose neck from the girls bike and replace my sons. HA... The rim fit with out problem. The goose neck was 2mm too big. So there went that idea. That alone ran me 20 minutes to undoing. So, I replaced the girls with tires with my sons black ones, the white peddals swapped for black ones, flower stickers removed, cable brakes removed, plush pink seat swapped for a black one, bike then taped and painted purple and black. So what was supposed to be a 20 minute fix wound up running me about 3 hours plus drying time to "man up" his girls bike to a boys bike.   He like it and for a $5 bike it both runs and looks great....

PEACE

Monday, July 28, 2008

Moving day, again....

Yesterday I helped a friend of mine move to a new house. I'm too old to be
doing this any more. Today my hands, back and legs are sore. From lifting,
tilting, sliding and walking up stairs. Even 10 years ago I had standards
in mving people; no jars of pennies, no weight sets and no cinder block
furnutire (sure this was pre- IKEA. Moving some one out or in there is
always dust that gets in your eyes and nose. In many cases that person is
not packed or not packed well and I always wind up taking something home.
This time it was 3 gasoline cans. 2 1 gallon jugs and 1 5 gallon jug, need
one? He moved out of a 1 bed room apt to a small house. That small apt
helt lots of crap..... Ahhhhhh!
I have moved ALL of my friends at one time or another. Boxes, tables,
bags, plants pictures, liquor, pots and pans, old computers and even food.
I always wind up tired and beat up. I think I'm done with helping friends
move. No mas. Of course this will change once I fell better an get some
rest. ...

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Dog Daze......

I'm online the other day and I noticed that I always have a Friend with me.
Its my dog. She is awesome! In dead silence while I read my comics she will
just lay there and relax. While I watch my bad sci-fi or cheezy horror
movies - she is there. Granted every now and then she spooks me. When there
is a dog barking on the TV or a chirp of the tele she will bark. That at 2
am will scare the bejesus out of me. She knows my routine when I decide to
go to bed. - Hard drives off, computer off the the basement light. I think
she can tell as I start to turn off the hard drives. She knows when bed
time is happening. In the morning the kids the both dogs out and once they
are done they sprint back upstairs to finish up their sleep time....
So here to you my best of friends.....Ms. Kona and Nixon.

Friday, July 11, 2008

"My god, I can see forever..."


I went to the eye Doctor yesterday. Its been awhile since I've gone.
Not because I'm afraid or don't want to wear glasses, I just do not have
time. I made time yesterday and had the whole show. The Dr looked , touch,
photoed and dilated my eyes to no end. Its official I'm getting old. I do
not need them yet bit I am on the verge of bi-focal. I'm starting to take a
minute for my eyes to focus on print. We are guessing 4-5 years from now
before they become a must. As of right now my eyes are healthy and doing
well. I ordered the new glasses and now I have to wait 7-10 days for them.
Ehhh At least they are covered by insurance.
I've been wearing glasses since fourth grade. Its been a pain in my
side. Of course I've tried contacts here and there but my eyes do not
produce enough tears to make them feel comfortable. So me, Lisa Loeb and
others are confined to having 4 eyes.... Its not so bad. At least I can see
clearly.

----------------------------------
Summer is about half way over and I have not done too much. Just
working. The company may send me back to Ohio to work for a week or two.
That would be fun. Cincinnati or Cleveland. I'd have to drive again,
because my friend/co-worker is unable to fly. No hes not on the "no fly
list" he just has issued with closed in places..... The last time I went to
Ohio I had Dominos and little fuggys on my birthday..... Wow there a
birthday to remember.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

You can teach an old dog...

God I love a good hotdog. In Chicago and the near West Burbs when you order a dog it comes with fries.. Some chain places only sell you a dog. That pi$$es me off to no end. Its a tradition that hold had all the way from the lake shore to about rt 53 (about 25 miles West of the city) after that the rules fall apart. I'm even willing to forgive ketchup on a dog for adults as well as kids, but NO FRIES and still charge me $3.00 for a dog- your nutz....My own dog is a typical Chicago style -Pickle spear, relish, mustard, tomato, mustard, sport peppers and celery salt. I just can't do raw onion. I also do not mind 'kraut and mustard.
I did find a place near me that does give fries with the dog for $2.65 and they even go a very odd style dog- the GYRO dog. Bun, gyro sauce, tomato and onion, the wiener and gyro meat. I have to say it was not a bad dog. You can teach an old dog new tricks...
     So with this weekend being the Fourth of July , spark up the grill and get some dogs cooking.... Peace.

Reprinted with out permission from the Daily Herald. 7/2/08 ... (I'll be happy to remove if asked)


All dressed up

Mustard, relish, onion, tomato, pickle, celery salt and sport peppers. I learned that mantra my first day working at Fratello's, a now-closed hot dog stand in Palatine.

While fanatics continue to debate the merits of neon green relish versus the dark green variety and the necessity of poppyseeds on the bun, that lineup of garnishes tops an official Chicago hot dog.

Here's a look at how folks in other parts of this great land dress their dogs.

Atlanta: Buy a hot dog at Turner Field, home of the Atlanta Braves, and you'll end up with your dog topped with the usual condiments and a heap of coleslaw.

Boston: Ketchup, mustard, relish, picalilli and chopped onions are Beantown's most common toppings.

Cincinatti: The town's famous chili as well as mild cheddar, mustard and diced onion top dogs in this Ohio berg.

Kansas City, Mo.: You'll need mints after eating a hot dog served with sauerkraut and melted Swiss cheese on a sesame seed bun.

New York City: From downtown Manhattan to Coney Island, when you buy a hot dog in the Big Apple, it will come with steamed onions and a pale, deli-style yellow mustard.

The Rockie Dog: Served at Coors Field in Denver, the home of the Colorado Rockies, this footlong dog comes with grilled peppers, kraut and onions.

The Texas Dog: Chili, cheese and jalapenos make this a favored item in the Houston area.

- Deborah Pankey

Friday, June 27, 2008

good bye blue skies.....


love for life....

So much is wrong with the world right now. Money, wars, gas, food and the environment blah blagh blagh. Today I am not going to post about any of those things but instead 100 things that I love. This is my list and no one Else's list. Make your own and enjoy it. I can guess that many of these will be food items as I love to cook and be cooked for. Some will be repeated as I go along, again this is an informal list. I think I love some things that you may also , that is because some loves are universal......

In no particular order ......

Hugs from my sons as I leave the house to go to work.
The 100% trust I get from my dogs as the walk up to me to say hello or a scratch behind the ears.
The softness of a womans kiss.
Fresh cut fries.
The burning sensation of real Coca Cola on the first sip.
Sleeping with the windows open and feeling the night air.
the quiet of the very early morning or late night.
a smoke as I'm in the washroom.
A fresh shave (non rushed) with lather
Coffee ; double cream double sugar
The 10 minutes after I mow the lawn. its a sense of pride of something looking good.
hand washing the car.
fixing something the kids broke. To see how happy they are after I fix it.
A cold beer in the evening.
putting on warm underwear out of the dryer.
a slow snowfall at night - the kind with big fluffy snowflakes
a good scary movie or a well written sci fi movie. (geek)
comic books (mega geek)
Cartoons on adult swim (ultra mega geek)
waking up and knowing you can still sleep for another hour
a thunderstorm
burning leaves/a bonfire
going for a walk
my leather jacket
------------------------------
Hotlinks
grilling for friends
having the kids fall asleep on me as I watch a movie with them.
waking up and having one of my boys sleeping next to me.

A fresh hair cut

Feeling your teeth right after a dentist visit

72 degrees

driving for fun and with out direction

fireworks in the sky

glow sticks

teva sandals

the leaves turning colors

the first frost

Holland Michigan

DA Bears

blue jeans and doc martins

all dogs

and a few cats

popcorn

hawks

nerdy books and movies

fishing

iced tea

a note from a loved one

handyman magazine

----------------------------------------

"stumble upon"

popping my spine into place

new car smell

homemade chocolate chip cookies

a belly laugh

quiet time at night

playing poker for cheap stakes

naps

watching old TV (quantum leap and old shows)

black and white movies (Marx brothers)

going to a museum

boxer briefs

an unexpected text message from a friend

Chicago style hot dogs (no raw onions)

going to the pool and just sitting in the water

getting a manicure/pedicure

a rough back massage

clouds

cardinals and blue jays

the smell of old books

new socks

roses

tools (Craftsman work best)

Calvin Klein , One, Be, Obsession , Polo Blue, and yes Old Spice..

curry chicken and rice. (tandoori)

having breakfast as a family

---------------------------------------------

Monte Blanc pens /fountain pens

stationary

antiques

grave yards

most music from the 1980's

daydreaming about winning the lotto

pizza with friends

watching kids open Christmas presents

the roar of a muscle car

reading Science magazine

the zoo

Thanksgiving day

taking a hot shower until the water runs out (without the kids knocking on the door!!!)

lifting weights and seeing progress

Secretly being smarter than my co workers

the style of a bungalow hosue

brownies (fuggy ones not the cakey ones)

bumble bees (i think they are klutzy like me)

being larger than life

dark beers (if they are done well)

archery

hand guns and antique rifles

plain black t shirts

tattoos

PHO (its a soup)

---------------------------

knowing 2 languages (I wish I knew more)

flying a kite

a home made hamburger (you can taste the love)

Gyros (again no onion!!!)

going to an ethnic market

the invention known as the internet

midnight

horses

a well made italian beef

ww2 propaganda posters

Bacon (not overly crisp)

meatloaf and gravy

jean jackets

1972 Buick rivera

a sunshower

old rotory phones

salted cashews

air conditioning

acoustic guitar

watching Star Trek and knowing most of the lines

Rum

a basic egg and potato taco

I like making jelly/jams from fresh fruit

country ham

the lakeshore

grilled mushrooms on a steak (without asking!!)

-------------------------------------------

blue cheese

sun dresses

old buildings (with character)

pineapple

pudding

real coke

watching candels burn

home made ice cream

shrimp cocktails

buffallo wings

leather seats in cars

high heals and nylons

Seattle Wa

my mammas tacos

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I went over by a few , but so what. Read comment and enjoy....... Peace

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

the cool wind...

The bet was simple; The Cubs win their first series the other three guys
have to shave their heads, The Sox lose we have to shave ours. Well Here I
am with the cool breeze on my head. Shaved down to the scalp. While some
were kind and said "Its a good look", I know better. I look like Uncle
Fester from the Adams family. Its not a bad look, its just a look that is
not me. No wavy black hair, no salt and pepper sides.... I do have to grab
some sunblock to make sure I don't burn the top of my mellon. The color
difference between my scalp and skin was not too bad so it won't take me
too long to get a tan head.
It was 1992 the last time I fully shaved my head. It was odd then having
the wind blow across your head. The funny part is that I spooked my self
in the mirror this morning when I got up. I forgot that I did it.

Anyways the Cubs and Sox play three more this weekend. I do hope the win
this round. As of today I did not bet anything...

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Death in the family.

I had to downstate again last weekend. We had a death in the family. The
weather on Sunday did not help. We left in the middle of a pretty brutal
morning storm. We arrived in a few hours and got settled in to the routine
of preparing food. I took the kids to the wake and they did really well
with the coffin and saying goodbye to Uncle Bob. I'm still an outsider to
my wifes family. Not because I'm unlikeable but because they life all over.
Peoria, Atlanta, Indiana and other places. They know of me but most have
only met my in the major family functions. After that we had them over to
the house and fed them all. Country ham and potato salad. It almost seemed
like a country picnic, but the tension was there. We all had an obligation
to do the next day. I did not attend the funeral at all instead I decided
to hang out and play with the kids. After that we just packed up and went
home. It was a lot of driving for me on very short notice. The drive was
long after not spending a night in your own bed.
I often think of my own mortality and wonder what things I want done
(if any). I often joke about doing a Viking funeral and setting a boat a
flame and dropping it in to the lake. In truth I think I'll just be
cremated in simple attire. A plain pine box and wrapped in a white sheet.
Simple as I have lived. No headstone, no fancy box, no big magic show just
friends and family telling stories. I'll provide a bottle of Scotch and you
all tell a story about me. Remember me in life and at least one good thing
I did for you. If I was able to make you smile at least once then my job
was complete. .....

peace.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Quick summer update..

Summer is officially here and the kids are out of school. The entire
neighborhood is crawling with them and my house has become the "koolaide"
house. Its kinda of fun, my front yard is littered with small scooters and
small bicycles.
Last night out of the blue my son had a visitor. She came by at about
6pm and played and had dinner with us. We drove here home near 7:30pm and
waved good bye. I didn't have friends as a kid until I was almost 9 years
old. I'm glad my son has some now.
I grew up on an older block. Old Italian people with out many kids
anywhere. Looking back it was a little odd. I'm kinda jealous of my own
kids, they have friends, grandparents and parents that are home most of the
time. I'm glad for those blessings.
I think we are going to backyard camp this weekend if the weather holds
out. These last two weeks have been hard; the weather has gone mad with
heavy rains in the Midwest. Lake Denton (Wisconsin Dells!!!) is gone. The
lake broke its dam and drained away. It is nothing but a mud pit now. Thats
amazing in its self. I wonder how many people this will put out of work. No
more Tommy Bartlett water show.... No reason to go to robot world. Wow.....

Monday, June 02, 2008

2048

This last weekend I spent time down state with family. I went to my
father-in-laws 80th birthday. He was my age now when I was born. He has
been in the Korean conflict and had seen many things in his life. Towns
grown and fall in economic booms and busts. I think in all I was amazed by
how much he had seen with his time here on planet Earth.
Can I make it another 40 years? I hope and pray that I can make it in
the same shape hes in right now. Can I make it to 2048? Its not somthing
that is beyond reach. The world is on shakey feet right now. What kind of
world am I talking about in the next 40 years?

Peace

Thursday, May 22, 2008

a second cup...


I like my coffee like I like my women;

Black and bitter,
full of body and sweet,
tan and easy to go down,
steamy and imported,
Frothy? Half caf? with a twist?

Ive been enjoying a night cap of coffee in the last few weeks.  Its a dark sin that I enjoy. The mug I drink out of is a 16oz mug and I usually load my coffee with heavy cream and 2 Tsp of sugar. Its probally not the best thing for me but I have been enjoying the routine of a nice cup of Joe. Add to this a cookie and my evening is just about complete.

     I've noticed that most of my friends are not coffee drinkers. They take their caffine as a cola or energy drink. While I do drink those when I'm running short on time I enjoy the small ritual of coffee and cream. The smell of a fresh brewed pot, the cooling milk and a tablespoon of sugar.  I think if I had been British I would enjoy full english tea as well. While with tea its a bag and hot water I do appreaciate the ritual of the pour. 

      Most Americans do not have any rituals that they follow. We are a mishmash of cultures from the far corners of the Earth. The rituals we do have here in the US are only a little over 200 years old.  We do little to honor the dead. We do little to honor the town or city where you live. The only rituals I see that are National are the Fourth of July, Memorial day and Veterans day. The other holidays have become nothing more than an excuse to  drink or to have a sale. Presidents day, MLK day, Cinco de Mayo (not yours), St Paddys (again not ours), Christmas (the biggest offender in comercilism), Easter (Bunnys and chocolates?, Whens the last time you went to chuch for the story), Arbor day (??), Earth day (buy some compact fluorescent bulbs), Valentines (buy a card and chocolates), sweetest day (buy a card). Mothers day still retains tradition with taking mom out. Thanksgiving is also still very traditional, but the day before has become a drinking holiday and the day after is a joke for consumers (BLACK FRIDAY).  

    I'm going to keep one tradition for my self. Its a simple cup of coffee and a cookie. I hope you all have at least one tradition that does not involve going shopping or going to the mall. Peace.

BICYCLE, BICYCLE!!!!!!


                     Not a bad weekend in all. I had a good chance to spend times with the kids as well as do the yard work. Mow, clip, sweep, prune and plant. I rode the bicycle with the kids on Sunday. It was very pleasant having both boys riding after me. We wound up at a local park and played Simon Says and red light green light. Me a 285 lb man in a black stocking hat and black hoodie hanging out with mini people. I may have drawn a few sideways looks , but we had fun. It was a good day. Its fun being an oddball parent.
               After the yard work and laundry work I finally had some alone time and I took the bike out again. I got in about 3 miles before I found a large box of Mason jars by the curb of a house. The subdivision had the bi annual garage sale so I was guessing these were extras. I rang the bell and I think I surprised the lady. Again the biker looking Latino asking about canning jars. I asked if she was giving them away I would take them as we jar jelly's and jams. I think I stunned her because I know what I was talking about on how and what to can. I put the box on the handle bars and rode away. Smart? Not Smart? An open box of large glass mason jars on the front of a bicycle. All I needed was a good bump or swerve inside that last mile and I would have been sliced in to ribbons. Thats why I'm not a rocket scientist. I made it home and unpacked the jars. Some were classic jars that were a blue glass that you do not see any more. One was about a half gallon size that would be used for whole fruit.
My legs were better and my butt still hurts after the ride, but I am enjoying being a little kid again. I hope I have time to get better in riding and able to increase my miles as I get going. If I can do this every day/every other day and show improvement I t would be great.  I bought a water cage to hold a bottle and I am pricing a rack and bags. That way I'll be able to carry my clothes to work.  Yes yes yes _ should look in to a helmet, but I grew up with out them and I just don't know.....Maybe If I was putting in 100's of miles in a week then I'd get one. For 5 to 10 miles a day every now and then... maybe not...... We'll see.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Large fella on a bike .... the story


***LInky, Linky*****

I think he's grown a bit pompous as he's lost weight, but losing over 200lbs is great. Put your money where your ass is.......

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Fat Man on a little bike...



Well I guess it was ; the cost of gas, the emergence of the new "green" movement, me turning 40 and wanting to be more healthy and an inspirational blog (Large man on a bike ((I'll post the link later))) that made me go out and buy a bike. Not a motorcycle, but a regular bicycle. Its an older bike but it only cost $40. I saw it on craigslist and I know that new it sold for about $300-400. Now 15 years later I thought that $40 was not a bad deal. I met the owner at his house and knew this was not an abused bike. He was an older man about 65-70 and was making room in his garage. I took a quick look and handed him the money. His wife said he tried to take up biking but that fell through. It could be a bit bigger but for what I need it for it works fine. Its an old Raleigh Technia ovation, It has the colors of a decade gone by.  A light tan/grey body with some minor stripes of an old green and pink.  The late 80's early 90's were not kind with colors. I don't mind them at all as long its not all pink or rainbow colored. (Pics to follow).
              The gearing worked great and smooth so did the brakes. I did have to go and buy a tire patch kit. I'll tell you I have not done that in over 10 years. I bought the new fancy pre-sticky patches so it was not bad at all. No dealing with the glue and a match. Once the wheel was back on it took about 10 minutes to change the seat and handle bar height then I was off. The bike has an Aluminum frame and Shimino shifters. For its age it probably the most advanced bike I ever had.  The old Huffy was made of old American iron and 4x4's. It weighed a lot then and was built to last forever.
                Fat Man on a little bike..... I was a bit shaky at first but that passed rather quickly. After a few peddles and I was off. You really do not forget how to ride a bike. Your body remembers how to lean in to a curve and when to coast.  I will tell you that my legs and back started to hurt after about a mile and a half and my butt hurt after another mile. I laughed to my self on how many miles I must have put in as a kid. Every day I rode my old Huffy. Rain or shine to school and across town to the pool. Miles of just glorious riding and being a kid. All with out headphones (Walkman or MP3Player) and a helmet. No lights and pads.  All done with out fear. Last night I wore a bright safety orange vest that I have for the motorcycle. The bulk of my riding is going to be at night so  I'm going to buy a few lights for night riding and perhaps a pannier to hold saddle bags. I don't want to spend a lot on it because the bike was so cheep.  I saw on line some cheep and bright ones from China that are cheep. For under $20 bucks I will have two 57 LED lights on the handlebars. I want to bee seen. Once that is done I may wind up taking it to work a few days a week. The bags can hold my work clothes and I can change here.  Its not going to save me tons in gas savings but I think I will be better for it. I even saw plans for small wagons that you add on to the back of the bike, but thats another story.  

      Riding twice a week for 5 months is only about 4 gallons of gas, but I think that 100 miles will do my heart good. I've been taking a daily aspirin as well as a multivitamin and fish oil. The road to 40 is mentally a rough one for me. I don't know why. Maybe its the feeling that my own clock is ticking faster for me.  I'm trying to put my finger in the dike or to hold off the sea.  Its OK. 40 is just a number.  40 is the new 30? Riiiight......

     I am going to ride daily when I get home. Well let me rephrase that I am going to try to ride daily when I get home. Thats the plan. I hope I'm strong enough to hold to it. 3-5 miles at first then to ten.  I have no lofty goals with this but I think I can make this part of my daily ritual. Its only one more mile.

*************************************

The Blog I saw that really inspired me is called Large man on a bike. Its a tale of a man who weighed over 500  pounds and needed to get living again. He said at one time he was only able to take 9 steps at a time and then needed to catch his breath afterward. His first bike ride of one mile took over three hours  to complete. Now several years later and 285 lbs lighter he life is turned around. He eats well and he does look good for what he went through.  I'll link to his blog once I remember how to do so.

Friday, May 09, 2008

38,38,39,40? What happened to 26?


I've felt lost this past few days if not weeks. I think its wanting to be young again. To catch the lost moments between landmarks. The ability to call up a friend and know they were not doing any thing either and just hang out. Money was not a necessity. If you have a fiver you could get a few beers and just chill. Don't get me wrong I love to hang out with my friends and many times that what we do- hang out. We order in some food and watch a bad movie or 2 on the telly. Even just sitting doing nothing with a few friends is a blast. For me anyways. No rush to pick up the kids, go to work, meet clients and be an adult. I had the leisure of being able to sleep in, to drink the night away and smoke till dawn. To decide to drive downtown or go to southern Illinois to just say hi to a friend.

The weight of adulthood is at my side. The cost of many many things keep me working. I'm not going to list any thing because its more than likely the same list of responsibilities you look at every day.  The best part is that for the most part (99.99%) I love my responsibilities. I love my boys,  the house the yard and everything else. But there are days that I wish I could have just one day back as a kid. Maybe one day in 1986, 1988, 1990, 1995, 1997. Just one day to be a knuckle head and just sit on the stoop and hang out drinking some cheep beer and listening to music.  I would not attempt to change the world or any thing else like that just a day to enjoy your youth. They do say it and it is true "The youth is wasted on the young." 

I know I sound like an old geezer when I post like this. I'm really not. I'm just a guy that is counting down my 40th this year.  In theory I'm at my mid life if I were to reach 80. I'm going to hope I reach that in decent health, but the national average is about 73. So according to statistics I'm on a sharp decline.   At best looking at a national average I have about 33 years to go until I hit the ground running. 

Some times I watch the news and I hear about a person thats 100 +. As of right now thats an additional 60 years. Is this good? with a longer life does each act in your life mean less? I know the chance for tragedy increases. Burying your friends and family will become a fact. The loss of mental facility's will come in to play. I don't know if its worth it. Could I make it to 2068?

I watch TV and I try to notice people that are 40, 45 and 50. I hope I age better than most of them. Many people my age look like Carl from Aqua teen Hunger force or worse. I think I'm doing OK, granted I could always be doing better, less weight, eating better and better quality of foods. Then again who couldn't be.  If I didn't work a odd work schedule I could get out and do things.  I know I could always wake up earlier and go for a walk/run/ride/skip/wiggle/waddle/hop/swim/jog/sprint or any other means of locomotion but sleep is such a precious commodity.

Any ways thanks as always for listening me vent. I just think I'm in a mental funk about the big 40.  ....... "Forty is the new thirty" ... yea right for some Forty if the new fifty....... 

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